


Ends of the Earth

by ThornedRose44



Category: Supergirl (TV 2015)
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, Be warned I cried writing this but I promise it has a happy ending, F/F, Hurt/Comfort, Originally a one shot so the happy ending is at the end of the first chapter, end of the world AU
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-20
Updated: 2021-01-25
Packaged: 2021-03-10 00:08:22
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 39,453
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27644572
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ThornedRose44/pseuds/ThornedRose44
Summary: The world ended.Well, that's not technically accurate… humanity's time on earth ended, a lot sooner than to be expected which is where the tragedy of it all lies, if Lena were to guess.Not that Lena's own time on earth had ended. She was still here, pottering on, miles underground, fiddling with forgotten experiments and watching endless hours of television that she never had time for before…
Relationships: Kara Danvers/Lena Luthor
Comments: 318
Kudos: 1442





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Something a little bit different from me. I had this idea and I just couldn't stop myself from writing it over the last few days.
> 
> I hope you all like it, I'm quite pleased with how it turned out x
> 
> (Also the title of this fic comes from the song 'Ends of the Earth' by Lord Huron, would recommend listening to it).

The world ended.

Well, that's not technically accurate… humanity's time on earth ended, a lot sooner than to be expected which is where the tragedy of it all lies, if Lena were to guess.

Not that Lena's own time on earth had ended. She was still here, pottering on, miles underground, fiddling with forgotten experiments and watching endless hours of television that she never had time for before… 

She wondered if this was what retirement was like… 

Admittedly, Lena had always imagined it involving more travelling, maybe some gardening and it had never been _lonely_. She refused to acknowledge that when she thought of getting older it was with crinkly blue eyes and silver streaked blonde hair at her side which always helped soothe the ache in her chest that such morbid thoughts produced. Now, even that fantasy was well and truly gone. 

She would only ever get to watch herself grow old now, at least she didn't have to worry about the paparazzi's comments about her receding good looks.

It wasn’t a bad life, not really. She had enough food to see her through old age or until the tempting call of the void summoned her. If Lena was being honest, which she kind of had to be when the only person she had left to lie to was herself… She knew it would be the latter that would take her in the end. 

See the thing is… Lena hears… _things_. 

They’re not real, or they are but they are merely the sounds that an empty building creates to keep itself company. The groan of a pipe. The squeak of a beam. The hiss of a fridge. The knock of a mechanised system keeping the air breathable and the water on hand.

Lena still had enough of her sanity to convince herself that the sounds were a natural part of her safe haven (‘prison’ more like). But there were mutters at the back of her mind that said other things. That squeak was a mouse still alive on the outside. That groan was a ghost, trapped forever alongside Lena. That hiss, the blast-proof doors whistling open and irreparably bursting Lena’s protective bubble. That knock…

The knock was the worst.

The knock was the call of the void that allowed Lena to fantasise. To dream.

That knock meant she was no longer alone.

That knock… that knock could be everything she ever wanted…

That knock could be Kara…

And that… 

Lena knew that it would be the void that got her before old age. It would be that knock, her loneliness and the hope of seeing blue eyes just one more time… just one more time…. That would do her in.

* * *

The first six months hadn’t been too bad. Lena had kept herself busy making the repairs she needed to keep her safe haven ‘safe’ for as long as possible. The Children of Earth’s final attack, that had prompted humanity’s departure two months ahead of schedule and Lena staying behind to ensure their escape, had wrought significant damage to the structure of the bunker. 

The work was dull. But it was good. It kept her hands busy. Her mind distracted. And it meant she could fall into bed, utterly exhausted and free of thoughts of what ifs and almosts and not yets and soons and new beginnings… 

The majority of the work required for Lena’s home to be brought to tip-top shape was done after six months. The next six months were about optimisation. Trying to make her home… more homey… An already difficult task when there was little in the way of colour to decorate the concrete bunker, but a nigh on impossible task when Lena’s home had never been four walls but blue eyes, golden hair, a bright smile and a warmth that made even the darkest moments survivable.

It was the second year that broke something in Lena that she would never get back again.

It made the light in her chest steadily dim and extinguish.

A candle that had remained alight with the childish possibility that Lena would get her miracle, her last second save and a happy ending.

She knew it was impossible. Knew that the surface of the Earth was not accessible to another living being. That the transmat portal could not be repaired, the necessary materials completely depleted - even if Lena had the materials to repair it, she wouldn’t have been able to generate a high enough voltage to power it. That the survivors were now countless lightyears away and a ship travelling to her would arrive long after she had turned to little more than dust in this mausoleum. 

To survive the breaking (more specifically the ‘breakdown’ that had Lena spending pretty much the entirety of a month drunk off her ass), Lena found a routine. She found a routine and stuck to it. 

A routine that kept her busy, mentally and physically occupied because if she stopped… if she let her thoughts wander… Well, that knock started to sound rather enticing.

Lena performed regimented checks of her safe haven and its equipment.

Lena had time for reading. For television.

Time for fun science experiments she never had time to progress when the scientist part of her was told to give way to the business woman part.

Time for exercise; soft curves hardening to muscles as she threw around equipment and worked tirelessly and rigorously.

Set meals.

Set bedtime.

Set wake-up.

Day after day passed by in this fashion. Weeks. Months.

Two years in her concrete bunker became three, became five… and before Lena really knew it… she was rapidly approaching a decade in this prison of monotony.

* * *

It had started with an innocuous ‘beep’.

A fucking beep foretold the destruction of Earth - Lena prayed that humanity, when they re-told the story of the fall of their first home, would ignore that particular aspect of the tale.

It had all started out as a minor reading on a random L-Corp machine tucked away at the back of Lena's lab. (It had been the beginning of yet another half-formed experiment by an idealistic Lena when she thought that being in charge meant she could spend time on her own projects. How utterly naive she had been.)

Lena had taken it over to the DEO where she and Brainy looked over it together for a weekend - mostly because Lena had nothing better to do, what with her friendships being more or less non-existent since her near defection back to the Luthors and despite her subsequent assistance in bringing down Lex. 

Lena assumed it was an atypical reading, a presumption that had been reinforced by Brainy with knowledge of the future. Because if this erroneous result was in fact true and accurate then… the Sun clearly had it in for the Earth. 

It was heating and expanding at a ridiculous rate. A rate which would make the Earth uninhabitable in a mere handful of years, the heat and radioactivity increasing to such a level that it would be like living in an overpowered microwave.

So, the result had to be wrong because as far as Brainy was aware the Earth was very much still standing a thousand years down the line. 

It took a month, with nearly all of L-Corp's resources working on it to find out that, as it turns out, the future can change.

Which was great news for those strongly in favour of free will and heavily against predetermination. Less great news for those that had recently got a mortgage for a new house…

It was full go then.

The next two years were some of the worst and best of Lena's life.

The sun's sudden failure was a parting gift from the Daxamites, who were big believers in ‘if I can't have it, you can't have it either’. Lena assumed Lex would appreciate the pettiness of the action.

The first six months had been filled with hope and a fervour to fix it. Solve the problem like the Superfriends had so many others before. Kara was their guiding light, tirelessly chasing down every lead, ready to get whatever Lena, Brainy and the whole cohort of scientists required at a moment's notice.

Lena, however, wasn't hopeful. She wasn't an optimist. Not anymore at least. Maybe once, when she was young and her mother was there to chase away the monsters under the bed and lift her into the air when the sun was at its warmest. 

She had been hurt, though. Lied to and betrayed far too much to have faith in some intangible and, as of yet, unknown success. She was a Luthor. Raised to be resourceful, stubborn and with a tendency to doubt. 

So, whilst her team of great minds slept, Lena would stay awake an extra couple of hours and plan and prepare for the worst. Because you never know when 'just in case' would be the only option left.

Lena and Kara's friendship over that six months steadily rebuilt.

It rebuilt over peace offering coffees brought to Lena's side by fidgeting fingers, “You look like you need it.”

“You didn’t have to.” Lena would always remind, not wanting there to be an obligation, not wanting Kara to be there unless she wanted to be.

“I know… I wanted to…” Would always be murmured back, soft and sincere, a rope cast out in the darkness.

It was rebuilt by softly spoken encouragement when either flagged. 

“What use am I? It’s not like I can punch the sun better.” Kara huffed on days when she was left to pace without direction waiting for the next task, the next lead, the next… whatever...

“No, but I know that you would if you could.” Lena would reply, earning her a small upwards tick to Kara’s lips that made Lena’s heart flutter with something other than a constant state of anxiety. “You are more than just your powers, Kara. Far more.” Lena would whisper earnestly, and Kara would simply rest her head on Lena’s shoulder.

It was rebuilt by fingers gently interlacing to offer comfort, “We’ll find something.”

“Together?”

“How else? A Super and Luthor are unstoppable, didn’t you know?”

It was rebuilt by Kara sharing her fears of losing yet another home and Lena listening, “I don’t know if I can take another loss like this.”

“I know, I can’t even begin to understand what you must be going through, but it's not going to be the same as last time, you know?” Lena would murmur, soft and hesitant, afraid of stepping wrong, afraid of treading on Kara’s open wounds that she had never known were there before. “If it does happen…” Lena would tack on (always _if_ , never _when_ ) in those first few months. “You won’t lose everything. I won’t let you. Everyone that can be saved, will be.”

“Is it bad that I don’t… I can live with a few losses… I can, but there are some… Some that matter more...” Kara confessed haltingly, blue eyes wide and scared as if she was revealing something she wasn’t sure Lena was ready to hear yet.

“No, there’s nothing bad about that. At least,” Lena murmured, ducking her head as she curled her fingers tighter around Kara’s, her thumb rubbing back and forth over knuckles, “I don’t think of myself as a bad person for it.”

“You’re not.” Kara would insist, finally covering over the hurt of ‘villain’ once and for all.

It was rebuilt in Kara carrying Lena to her cot in the backroom of the labs whenever she found her slumped over her keyboard in the early hours of the morning. 

“Hmm…” Lena would sleepily hum as she felt herself being cradled in Kara’s arms who never used super-speed when she was carrying her anymore, something Lena was grateful for as it gave her precious extra seconds of being safely ensconced by everything Kara.

“Sleep, Lena, just sleep.” Kara would mutter tenderly, lowering her onto the blankets and pressing an almost imperceptible kiss to Lena’s forehead which guaranteed Lena pleasant dreams.

It was rebuilt on tragedy and hope. It was rebuilt on optimism and pessimism. It was rebuilt by two people who just wanted to save each other in whatever way they could.

* * *

After six months, it was known. It was known that there was no Hail Mary that could undo what had happened.

Now, it was just about survival… and, for some unfathomable reason, everyone was looking at Lena to ensure that.

“Me! Kara, they’re looking at me to… to… save them!” Lena yelled incredulously once she had returned to the sanctuary of her lab and it was just the two of them (as it often was now).

“Yeah… they are…” Kara replied with a shrug like it was _obvious_ and _understandable_.

“Me! A Luthor!”

“No. Not a Luthor.” Kara declared firmly, lifting her chin in that way that always made Lena’s knees just that little bit weak. “Lena. The woman that has saved this planet and its people time and time again. A woman who has proven herself selfless and a hero in every way possible. The person that I…” Kara swallowed thickly and in that moment, Lena couldn’t breath, couldn’t move, couldn’t even think. Kara stepped towards her, strong and confident, reaching out to take Lena’s hands in her own, squeezing them tightly as earnest blue eyes stared deep into lost green. “Lena Luthor, you are my hero and I am always looking to you to save me.”

Lena finally inhaled a shuddering breath, nodded her head once and got to work.

The first step was the underground bunkers that would provide shelter for humanity whilst a more long term solution was achieved. The bunkers were not designed to be aesthetically pleasing or even remotely homely. They were functional, quick to put in place and hopefully temporary (which they would be for all but one).

Whilst the bunkers were built, Lena and her team were given two momentous undertakings that were critical for humanity’s continued existence:

  1. Find a suitable new planet to call home.
  2. Figure out how to get the entire population of Earth there as quickly as possible.



Lena hated the second six months of those two years. Kara was barely around, constantly buried under miles of earth, supporting the construction teams in their work, her help was crucial as having someone who could manoeuvre large weights delicately removed the overheads of large pieces of equipment and the time they would take to get in position and slowly carry out the task. When Kara ever did manage to poke her head above sea level, she was off to far flung places trying to minimise the impact of whatever natural disaster was occurring due to the Sun’s interest in making Earth a holiday destination for lava monsters in the near future.

Kara only ever made it back to National City for the occasional weekend once a month. A weekend that she mostly spent sleeping after having pushed herself past the point of exhaustion. 

Kara had taken to sleeping in Lena's cot whenever she was back, holding Lena close instinctively whenever the former CEO managed to collapse beside her after her own ridiculously long days. 

“You know, you have a far more comfortable bed at home? With proper sheets and pillows and blankets and all those really good things that are conducive to sleep…” Lena drawled as she slipped off her heels and sat on the edge of the cot that was already filled with a dozing superhero.

“I could say the same thing to you.” Kara yawned in return, shuffling to the edge of the single-person cot to leave a reasonable gap for Lena.

“Yeah, but…” Lena began to argue, biting her lip; Kara was out there everyday pushing her body beyond its limits in places with little sun, little hope and little in the way of comfort. And when she was granted a few hours of reprieve, just a few measly hours to rest before she was pulled back under, she spent it in a darkened back-room of a laboratory.

“No buts.” Kara cut in, tugging at Lena’s sleeve to pull her down into the empty space and open arms. “I’m here because…” Kara murmured, nuzzling her nose against Lena’s forehead whilst kindly ignoring Lena’s pounding heart, “Because I want to be here.”

“I want you here too.” Lena would eventually reply once her heart had returned to a normal beat and she was sure Kara had fallen into a deep slumber. 

(The Superfriends talked about Kara never returning home and choosing to be wherever Lena was amongst themselves, but they never brought it up with either woman, presumably out of respect or simply being too busy with the impending end of the world).

During that time, Lena was under more stress than she had ever been in her entire life. A whole planet on her shoulders and she was being crushed under the weight of it all. 

On the plus side, it was the longest anyone had ever gone without spitting her last name out with disgust. It was difficult to damn the person working tirelessly to save you. Not that there weren't some that tried to call her saviour and devil in the same breath, but the Superfriends, who had become her friends again, would put a stop to it before they ever got to the second part of their sentence.

Lena knew that Kara had asked them to look after her whilst she was away. And she appreciated the thought more than she appreciated the actual looking after. Alex had taken to looming over her shoulder like a bodyguard and frog marching her to the canteen at set times to eat three meals a day. Nia, meanwhile, insisted that Lena walk up and down the white-washed corridors of the laboratory at least twice a day to ensure she exercised. 

She grew to love them all: Brainy who was constantly by her side, Alex who was holding her up when she nearly collapsed from exhaustion and Nia who always managed to remind her of the small things she was fighting to save when she got lost in the big picture. She loved them but every time they pulled her away from her work, Lena would hear a voice in her head whispering an ominous countdown.

* * *

One year post-world-ending-beep, and humanity was tucked away in its new home - the bunkers underground.

Lena and Brainy had finally found a promising planet that they could call home, code-named Goldilocks until an actual name was selected when they finally stepped foot on it (it felt weird officially naming something that they had never seen or experienced). Now, they just had to get everyone there and Lena doubted that there was an intergalactic moving service - maybe that could be her new business venture after her secondment as humanity’s supposed saviour was complete.

Their best option was the transmat portals (mark two) that she somehow needed to make so that they didn’t require a corresponding portal on the other side. Their idea was more of a wormhole or slingshot, that flung them across the galaxy. They had transports that they could load people up in, they now just needed to create the ‘road’ or ‘shortcut’.

Lena spent day after endless day with Brainy in contact with Earth’s greatest physicists trying to solve problems and reconcile theories that would probably have taken centuries to solve, but necessity was the mother of invention. And dear god, did they need this invention.

The pressure was destroying Lena and more importantly it was creating a gulf between her and Kara that they had so pain-stakingly worked to remove over the last year.

“Lena, you need to eat.” Kara pleaded, her fingers making only fleeting contact with Lena’s elbow, the last time she had made contact Lena had flinched which had hurt Kara in a way that no physical attack ever could.

“I’ll eat later.” Lena replied sharply, her eyes remaining fixed on the board in front of her.

“Come on, Lena. Everyone else has taken a break.” Kara murmured, gesturing to the empty room and the blank computer screens.

“I’m not like everyone else.” Lena responded absent-mindedly.

“I know, I know…” Kara soothed, fingers twitching with the obvious desire to pull Lena into her arms. 

It had been weeks since Lena had been in Kara’s arms but Lena knew… knew that if she sunk into Kara’s embrace, she would crack open and she didn’t know if she would be strong enough to put herself back together again.

“Just, I’m here… for you… always.” Kara promised with a sad and lost tone of voice that made Lena’s throat tight and scratchy.

* * *

The Children of Earth were the single most irritating thing about the end of the world, and Lena knew that was saying something.

They were also the people that saw Lena’s near year long record without an assassination attempt as a challenge. 

They were a fanatical group that believed if the Earth was ending, the human race should too. That was pretty much it. Considering the rather bleak sales pitch, Lena was impressed by how many people they convinced to eagerly join up. 

Unsurprisingly, Lena was the number one target on their (s)hit list - what with being the main person working on getting them all off planet. Kara, took to being by her side almost constantly, an ever present shadow to the youngest Luthor; dark, steely blue eyes and a harsh frown on the world’s celebrated heroine made even the most committed of assassins think twice.

Kara’s shift to bodyguard came after the very first attempt on Lena’s life.

Lena was at her desk in her laboratory, making changes to an algorithm in the dead of night, the rest of her team retreating to their beds for a few hours whilst they could. It was Lena’s shaky hands that saved her life (exhaustion, stress and a near constant caffeine overdose had produced tremors in Lena’s long fingers that Kara couldn’t bear to look at anymore), Shaky hands reaching for a mug of cold coffee. Shaky hands so tired they couldn’t summon up the strength to hold it steady. The porcelain slipping through her fingers and rushing downwards to smash onto the floor. 

Lena instinctively scrambled after it, pitching herself awkwardly downwards and to the side,

It was this that saved her.

Ensured the bullet aimed for the centre of her back actually hit her shoulder.

It was the sharp inhale of pain and whisper of Kara’s name as she fell off her stool that saved her.

Because Kara was always listening out for her. On hand and ready the second Lena needed her. 

Lena didn’t hit the floor. Didn’t smash into the ground like her coffee mug.

Warm arms were around her before she even got close.

“You’re okay. You’re going to be okay.” Was whispered endlessly on repeat as she was carefully transported to the medbay where Alex and Eliza (quickly roused from sleep by a terrified superhero) got to work. Lena didn’t ask about the assassin, she knew she was safe with Kara watching over her and the Danvers so tenderly cleaning out her wound and that was all that really mattered. She didn’t have any space left in her mind to think of anything else, so overwhelmed with all the problems she had been asked to solve. There was no processing power left to confront other unknown questions.

Kara didn’t leave her side from then on. Not that Lena would let her. Not that night.

Their hands were clasped tightly together and would stay that way even when it inconvenienced the two doctors, who were wise enough not to raise it as an issue.

Lena’s wound was dressed efficiently and in such a way as to minimise scarring, Eliza and Alex returned to bed as they moved away from early morning, and the leaders of the survivors underground were made aware of the threat against their chief scientist. If Kara, as Supergirl, hadn’t insisted on serving personally as Lena’s protector, Lena was pretty sure the leaders would have demanded it, having grown equally fond of and dependent on the youngest Luthor.

When it was just them… just Kara and Lena… that’s when Lena let the tears fall and the sobs wrack her body. She was cradled carefully in Kara’s arms in an instant and everything she had been holding back burst out of her in an unending stream.

It was cathartic, letting it all out whilst Kara just held her and listened and whispered words of reassurance and affection.

The gulf that had formed, disappeared in an instant as Lena buried her head into the crook of Kara’s neck murmuring apology after apology for keeping her out, for putting distance between them, for not being good enough, for not saving Kara’s second home. 

Kara listened, rejecting every single apology with a firm voice and understanding blue eyes.

“Don’t push me away again.” Was all Kara asked for.

“Never. Never again.” Lena promised, not knowing at the time how she would be forced to break that promise less than a year from now.

* * *

The looks and hints and flirts and teases started in earnest then - they had always been there but boyfriends, secrets, distrust, confusion and hurt had blanketed it and kept it from growing. Now, it was just them and the end of the world.

Their days were spent together, Lena trying to save the world and Kara just trying to save Lena.

“You know I was a prodigy back on Krypton…” Kara revealed her past quietly as she was oft to do when the lab was empty and the bunker was blessedly quiet.

“In writing?” Lena asked, abandoning her work to give Kara her full attention - Kara was the only thing, especially when she was like this (soft, vulnerable and eyes aching with the loss of one home) that could make Lena turn away from the screaming voices inside her head.

“No…” Kara laughed lightly, “I was to be the youngest to join the science guild.” 

“Really?” Lena murmured in disbelief.

“Hmm…” Kara hummed, her mouth quirking up at the edges; Lena’s eyes dipped down to stare at the movement as they had begun to do with increasing frequency.

“Then why…” Lena began curiously wondering why Kara would turn away from something she had been preparing for and so obviously excelling at.

“Because, on Krypton…” Kara reached out with tentative fingers and pushed a dark lock of hair behind Lena’s ear. “We didn’t have people like you. People who worked on the ‘just in case’. People who spoke up. People who… thought everyone should be trusted with the truth. People who thought everyone deserved to be saved, not just the select few.” 

Lena grabbed Kara’s hand and brought it to her lips, pressing a comforting kiss to its palm as Kara revealed her scars to her. 

“I didn’t see science the same.” Kara confessed, her gaze turning far-away and distant as she took in the scribbles on the white-board like she recognised the odd syllable of a language she hadn’t spoken in years. “Science was elitist. Science led to hubris. Science failed to save us. But it was the lies that damned us in the first place. So… when I had the chance to start again…” She trailed off, expression melancholic and wistful.

“Thank you for telling me that.” Lena whispered sincerely, once it was clear Kara had nothing left to say.

“It’s funny, isn’t it?” Kara chuckled dark and pained in a way that made Lena’s heart crack across the surface.

“What is?” Lena prompted, squeezing Kara’s hand tightly in the hopes of grounding her.

“If I had been a journalist on Krypton, I could have made a difference. And if I was a scientist here, I could have made a difference.” Kara said, her smile a dark and broken thing that looked just _wrong_ on her face.

“You make a difference, Kara. Every day. Just by being you.” Lena declared, green eyes sharp and jaw clenched determinedly.

The twisted smile receded back to something soft and adoring. “Maybe for the next one I’ll switch back to science, I mean how long do you think it would take me to get upto speed?” Kara questioned teasingly jerking a thumb at the board covered in excessive equations.

Lena let go of the heavy moment, though she wanted to reinforce to Kara that she was perfect just the way she was. But there would be other moments, other conversations, other secrets shared, other wounds tended…

“Depends on your teacher. With me there to help, I could make you an expert within a decade.” Lena asserted with a confident wink.

Kara’s gaze narrowed, a smoldering smirk slowly appearing as the kryptonian leaned into Lena’s space, “Is that so? Professor?”

Lena gulped.

* * *

It was a known yet unspoken thing between them.

They spoke around it, danced right up to it, fogged up the glass with eager breaths and pressed against the membrane with curious fingers. Lena knew Kara felt it, in the same way Kara knew Lena felt it. Though, both were too fearful to define it, to say how deep it ran, how much it meant to either of them. 

It was ambiguous in its immensity, not in its existence.

Whenever they brushed up against it, and came close to breaking that barely visible wall between them, they were pulled back with murmurs of ‘soon’ and ‘almost’...

They were both too dutiful, too dedicated to the task at hand to leave room for much else. And they both didn’t want to start when they couldn’t commit all of themselves to each other. Wanted their chance to have the highest probability for success that it could. Because that's what they both deserved.

“The first sunset.” Kara murmured when they were cuddled up together on Lena’s cot in the small room put aside for the chief scientist at the back of the lab in the bunker. “Me, you and a picnic under the very first sunset.”

“Sounds romantic.” Lena teased, rubbing her cold nose against Kara’s clavicle.

“I’ve got it all planned.” Kara admitted honestly. “Every last detail.”

“You’ve really thought about this…” Lena said in awe, pulling back to look down into soft blue eyes.

“It’s all I think about…” Kara replied, her fingers stroking up and down Lena’s back - Lena wished those clever, clever fingers would sneak under her sleep shirt and run along her bare skin.

“Soon.” Lena exhaled their now common commitment.

“Soon.” Kara echoed.

* * *

The transmat portals were nearly done. Ahead of schedule which was probably a first for any project, yet alone one on such a large scale.

The only problem was the energy source. It was… rather _unstable_ and the amount of energy required to power all the portals at the same time was substantial. To ensure the tentative peace between all leaders and those involved, an agreement was made that all the portals would activate at the same time and humanity would pass through in one go to ensure that there was no group given an advantage.

Lena understood the political reasoning but it was an engineering nightmare.

They were working on putting power stabilisers on the portals to limit the impact of unwanted surges, when the Children of Earth made their play.

Coordinated explosions that threatened the sanctity of the bunkers moved the scheduled departure date up and prompted a mass evacuation. Kara didn’t want to leave Lena’s side but the people needed their Supergirl and it wasn’t fair for Kara to stay by Lena’s side when she was far from the fighting and others needed her to be their shield. Kara left her side with a promise of, “Soon, we’ll get our sunset.”

Lena had prepped the transmat portals from the command centre, monitoring the power levels with a wary eye as the bunker shook with the ferocity of the fighting. Lena watched over transport after transport, making changes as required to keep the power stable. As the numbers of those left to go through began to dwindle, Lena sent her team of loyal scientists led by Brainy (who she had to order to leave) on their way, leaving one transport for her and the soldiers holding off the Children of Earth. 

Lena struggled, as time ticked ever onwards, to keep the power surges under control and the transmat portal open. With the energy already expended, Lena knew if it closed… it wouldn’t be possible to open it ever again.

The soldiers led by Alex and Nia appeared following a large explosion that completely caved in an entire section of the (thankfully, now empty) civilian barracks. Held up by Alex and Nia was Kara, bloodied and bruised, skin a sickly green as her eyes fluttered weakly and her mouth moved trying to form words, fighting desperately to remain conscious. A battle she lost a second after catching a glimpse of Lena hurrying towards them.

They made their way as a group (Lena and those that had taken the pivotal last stand) to the transport when the evacuation alarm was joined by a clinically detached voice calling out, “Power Level Critical.”

The transmat portal flickered before brightening and then dimming almost immediately. The power surges threatening the very integrity of the portal.

“Lena, we have to go now!” Alex shouted, jerking her head towards the last transport that her group of soldiers were already piling into when she saw Lena freeze mid-step.

Lena doesn’t remember _making_ the decision. It was just instinct. She could work out the variables, could see the solution and just… acted. It didn’t require actual thought.

There was the portal that wasn’t safe for a transport to go through unless someone was making the necessary adjustments to the power in the command centre.

There was Kara, hurt and beaten but still so alive and so beautiful and without a doubt the love of Lena’s life.

It was never a choice, so how could Lena have made a decision.

“No, you have to go. I need to keep the power levels under control. You won’t make it, otherwise.” Lena said, her voice eerily calm and collected for what she was about to do.

The looks of absolute, sheer horror that appeared on Alex and Nia’s faces as understanding dawned would stay with Lena forever. It was the moment she realised she was making a _sacrifice_ and not just carrying out a simply logical action.

“No, Lena…” Alex gasped, her brown eyes turning watery as she hefted Kara higher as if.. As if she was trying to shake Kara awake so that she could bear witness to what was happening. 

“There’s no other way.” Lena declared, striding forward to cup Kara’s perfect face in her hands before leaning down to press a soft, farewell kiss to Kara’s cheek. “I was really looking forward to that sunset.” Lena whispered quietly.

Lena took one second to memorise that light vanilla scent that she would always associate with Kara before letting go of the kryptonian and looking to the distraught sister, “Keep her safe.” Lena requested simply, “And…” Lena swallowed thickly, “Tell her to be happy. Just happy.”

And with those final words, Lena sprinted back to the command centre, yelling for Alex to “Go!”

It was a close thing in the end. The power surges were seconds away from blowing the portal, and the bunker along with it, to smithereens when the transport finally zoomed safely through to humanity’s new home. Lena cut off the power just in time to limit the extent of the explosion that followed. The portal blasted apart but it didn’t have enough oomph to rip through the bunker.

It did knock out the lights, though, leaving Lena in absolute darkness for the first week of her new existence as the last human on Earth.

* * *

Okay, so Lena needed to admit to something… just a small thing… it was just, she knew it made her sound… you know… not really all there…

She had a dog.

A… uh… robot dog… that she had built for herself for company…

And, you know, Tom Hanks had a volleyball so, in comparison to that Milo seemed far more… sane…

(Don’t worry she had resisted the urge to call it K-9 and she had made it far more mobile and life-like than the rather square Doctor Who companion).

His name was Milo, after the main character from Atlantis, one of Kara’s favourite films. He was sleek, more grey-hound shaped than terrier, but moved rather clunkily. He had a tendency to trip when going up or down staircase B5-1 since that particular set of stairs were a little steeper than the others in the bunker and Lena had forgotten to factor that in when she created him. Now, she found the little stumble he made on those steps gave him character, made him seem even more alive than the adaptive AI that operated him so she never bothered to fix it.

Lena resisted the urge to give Milo a voice, since a robotic voice coming from her robo-canine companion kind of ruined the image that she had of Milo being a real dog but she couldn’t stand the silence anymore, couldn’t stand only hearing her own voice.

That was the other thing… after a year she’d started _narrating_ for lack of a better word. Commenting on her work, speaking her thoughts aloud rather than keeping them inside her head. Partly to add some sound to her quiet life and partly (but mostly) to remind herself she was still here, still had a voice. 

If a tree fell in the forest would it still make a sound?

Did Lena still exist if no one was around to see or hear her?

In year four of her solitary existence, the narration became full-on conversations with herself which eventually prompted her to create Milo after she realised that she had gone to bed two consecutive nights in a row angry at something she had said to herself.

Milo spoke to her in song.

“You’ll always be here to keep me company, right Milo?” Lena would ask after crying over The Notebook.

“ _I’m never gonna give you up, never gonna let you down, never gonna run around and desert you._ ” Milo would blast at her through the speaker in his mouth alongside a friendly wag of his tail.

Lena was working on a beam with a crack in it, bending her head down to check on Milo who was looking up at her through green LED lights. “Did I get it all?” She called down.

“ _Higher, higher and higher. I said your love…_ ” Milo directed, his LED eyes emitting a beam of light to point out a spot above Lena’s head.

He was a good dog overall, though he definitely had a preference for 80s classics much to Lena’s equal amusement and chagrin.

* * *

She tried not to think of Kara. But it happened.

The longest she had gone, not including sleep (though most of her dreams involved her blonde best friend so it wouldn’t have helped her average anyway), was three and half hours. An event which occurred during her drunken month in year two; she had grown irrationally angry at the transmat portal and had taken a crow-bar and smashed up the remains of the structure whilst listening to screaming death metal music.

She knew Kara would mourn her, miss her at least for the first year. But Lena knew she would keep herself busy. That there would be near endless tasks to occupy her mind and distract her heart and that whenever there was a lull or a break, the Superfriends led by Alex would be there to soothe whatever pain may surface.

Hopefully, by the second year Kara would be able to think of her and it be a joyful experience rather than one of pain. She knew Kara would still think of her often even one year removed from their separation (loss). Knew she had been significant enough to Kara to leave a wake behind.

By the third year, Kara would be ready - Lena didn’t doubt - to open her heart to another, to find someone else to fill the spaces Lena fleetingly occupied. There would be plenty ready and waiting, many probably far more deserving than Lena. 

Kara would find someone else to share that sunset with.

Years four to six, Lena hoped Kara would be rediscovering her passions, that her new home would be stable enough that Kara could get back to the things that made her happy. Lena hoped Kara was still writing, still turning her hand to paper and creating wonderful prose.

Years six onwards… Lena imagined Kara with a family of her own. The image would shift and change but there were always two children underfoot that Kara adored and both of which had inherited Kara’s blue eyes and pure heart. The other person in the picture was blank-faced, their features undetermined. Male or female, it didn’t matter. All that mattered was they put the brightest smile on Kara’s face possible.

“Just be happy.” Lena would whisper her plea out to the universe last thing at night and first thing in the morning. Because, if she said it enough, willed it enough then there was a chance she could make it true. Make the picture in her head of Kara real just by wishing it hard enough.

* * *

It was the start of her ninth year - Lena kept track by way of scratching into the walls a tally since it pleased her to think she was leaving some indelible mark on this place even if no one else would ever see it - and the knock was starting to become just that little bit more enticing. Lena had started to find herself walking up to the large blast doors and just… staring at them for hours on end.

It was only Milo that was keeping her going by this stage, blasting out, “ _Don’t you forget about me_ ”, and “ _Oh, won’t you stay with me? ‘Cause you’re all I need_ ”, whenever Lena’s fingers so much as twitched towards the manual override button.

Lena didn’t think too deeply about how her only reason for carrying on was the potential guilt that came with breaking the heart of a robot dog. 

“ _Spread it like peanut butter jelly..._ ”

“Whilst I appreciate that you found the perfect song for my current actions”, Lena chuckled, casting an amused glance over her shoulder at her companion, whilst she spread the peanut butter over the plastic-like bread that had been made to last decades, “I don’t think you realise what that song is really about…”

Milo’s head tilted to the side at the words - Lena had designed him so that when he was processing new information or analysing anything he would tilt his head to the side like a real dog. 

“ _Oops!... I did it again…”_ Milo proclaimed, dropping to the ground with an embarrassed shake of his metal head.

“You’re still my best boy, don’t worry.” Lena reassured, finishing off preparing her lunch and making her way to the little living space she had made herself, a rather ratty red sofa and television screen had been added to the small room behind her lab that she had made her own. She had just sat down and was about to take a bite of her sandwich when-

_Bzzzztttt…_

That was new. 

The buzzing sound was so loud and clear that it felt like the entire bunker was vibrating with it. Lena was on her feet in an instant, Milo by her side, as she grabbed her tablet and went towards the source of the sound. As soon as the sound had begun, though, it decreased in volume to a mere hum. Outside Lena’s lab, in the long corridor covered in tally marks was a bright purple circle with blue streaks of light hovering below the ceiling. Beneath the light in a crumpled mass was a figure dressed in dark blue and crimson red with a silver cable connected to their centre which disappeared back up into the portal.

“Okay, I got the angle slightly wrong… Yep, face planted…”, The intruder groaned as they pushed themselves up to reveal a mess of hair. “I know, I can fly but I wasn’t thinking about flying and didn’t react in time… and-” The figure struggled to their knees and shifted round, finally catching sight of Lena who was simply standing there, mouth agape, leaning on Milo to keep her upright.

Kara.

It was in that moment that Lena saw a shade of blue she had been deprived of for over nine years. Kara’s eye colour, though, was possibly the only thing about her that hadn’t changed. 

Familiar golden curls had been cut away to be replaced by slightly darker blonde with the odd streaks of silver that only just grazed a jawline Lena’s fingers had traced countless times. Also gone was Kara’s defined and overly muscular body, she looked thinner… almost _gaunt_. Her cheeks hollower than they had ever been before. The crinkles around her eyes were nowhere near as deep as Lena had imagined them to be whenever she thought of Kara with her family. There were instead, however, lines around her mouth that implied she frowned more than smiled and that… that cracked whatever fragile grasp of reality Lena had left completely apart.

Because of this - Lena no longer trusting her eyes, unable to accept an existence where Kara hadn’t been happy, as Lena had begged the universe to make happen everyday - she didn’t truly see the expression on Kara’s face.

She didn’t see the sheer joy, the tears of elation, the broken smile that couldn’t smile as wide as it wanted due to being so out of practice.

“You’re here… You’re really here…” Kara breathed out, her blue eyes drinking in the sight of Lena shifting shyly from foot to foot as she stroked the smooth metal surface of Milo for comfort. 

“Kara.” Lena murmured, testing the word out in her mouth, trying to see if she still knew how to say it after all these years.

“Lena, you’re here…” Kara whispered totally awestruck, getting to her feet and taking slow, careful steps towards Lena, her fingers reaching out for the raven-haired woman.

“I don’t under-... this isn’t real… you’re not real… you can’t be real…” Lena stammered, shuffling backwards away from the ghost in front of her, unaware of the gasp of pain that it caused. “Did I answer the knock? Is this a dream? Milo analyse the surroundings and conditions.” Lena ordered, dropping her gaze to her tablet as she tapped frantically against the screen, mumbling her every thought out loud as she had become prone to do over the years. “Hallucination, most likely… potential causes… sleep deprivation? Unlikely, I have a set sleep schedule. Radioactivity has finally penetrated the bunker and has caused a multitude of health problems. Possible, though I take regular readings of-”

“Lena! Please, stop…” Kara cried, collapsing to her knees in front of Lena, tears streaming down her face. “I’m here, okay? I’m really here!”

“No! No!” Lena shouted in return, “This isn’t real! Because… because…” Lena’s breaths came out sharp and panicky as she was overwhelmed by a tempest of emotions she had worked so, so, so hard to deaden herself to over the last nine years. “You’re meant to be married! You’re meant to be _happy_ ! You’re not meant to be _here…_ ”

Fingers curled delicately around Lena’s biceps; she wasn’t even aware that she had fallen to her knees as well, that she had brought her hands up to cover her face.

The touch and its sheer gentleness almost made Lena jerk away but the barely there scent of vanilla instinctively made her lean forward instead, her head moving to rest as it always used to do on Kara’s reliable shoulder.

“Lena, how could I be happy without you?” Kara whispered, her fingers moving ever so carefully from Lena’s biceps, round to her back… so tenderly wrapping Lena up in her arms. “Let me take you home, please, please Lena… let me take you away from here, please…” Kara begged, pressing featherlight lips against Lena’s forehead. “Let’s go see that sunset, yeah?”

Lena pulled away so that her hands could move to cup Kara’s beautiful, anguished face, thumbs wiping away the endless tears, “You still want to? Even after all this time?”

“It’s all I’ve thought about.” Kara confessed, a breathtaking smile overtaking her face… and that… that one smile made it all worth it… made nine years in darkness… nine years alone all worth it. 

Lena loved how that smile stretched under her palms and she wondered how it would feel under her lips; the thought barely even crossed her mind before she started to lean forward to find out, Kara inhaling sharply as she realised what Lena intended, when-

“ _Sha-la-la-la-la-la, music play, do what the music say, you wanna kiss the girl.”_ Milo sang out for them, his metal tail thumping happily against the concrete floor, his green LED lights looking between his best friend and this blonde newcomer excitedly.

“Thanks, Milo.” Lena chuckled wetly, glancing over at her robo-dog before looking back to find Kara’s blue eyes sparkling with joy at her. “I have a robot dog, now.” Lena explained needlessly, cheeks turning an embarrassed pink.

“I can see that.” Kara replied with a laugh, her hand reaching out to brush through Lena’s dark hair, as she asked her voice brimming with hope, “Are you ready to go?”

“Yeah, yeah, I am…” Lena admitted with a fervent nod of her head before pressing a delicate kiss to Kara’s cheek. “I want to see that sunset.”


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for all the wonderful comments on this fic. I'm pleased to find out that my attempt at something a little different turned out well and I couldn't resist (especially after how many comments I got asking for it) writing more for this.

“Lena?” 

That was her first word, unsurprisingly, when she woke up after fending off the Children of the Earth. It was the only word she would ever speak as she drifted in and out of consciousness following her exposure to kryptonite over the course of three weeks. That in-and-out existence consisted of little more than fragmented memories of disjointed conversations and dodged questions overshadowed by the ever-present pain of her body healing itself after being pushed past its limits.

“Hey, hey, there… how are you feeling?” Alex soothed coming slowly into view as Kara’s eyes adjusted to the bright lights of the sunlamps for maybe the second or was it third… or maybe even fifth time...

“Thirsty…” Kara croaked out through dry lips. “And… pain…” Kara admitted, everything aching in a way it never had before.

“Here.” A straw was gently pressed against her lips, and she felt blissful water coat her mouth and throat. Kara was pretty sure it was the greatest drink of water she had ever had.

“Lena? Where’s Lena?” Kara repeated, her voice stronger now.

“Just rest for now, okay?” Alex requested, plumping the pillows behind Kara before ducking her head and fiddling with the machine at the side of the bed to increase Kara’s dose of analgesic which was effective at rapidly lulling the kryptonian back to dreamless, painless sleep.

The day eventually came where Kara was awake longer than a couple of minutes, where the ache was more of a residual hum than anything else and Kara’s mind was sharp enough to push for answers instead of being deterred by Alex and Eliza’s methods of dodging.

When the day came and Kara was given the truth, she would reflect back fleetingly on those three weeks of constant pain and recovery where she had little grasp of her own reality and wish, wish with everything she had, to go back to that state of being. Because this… the pain Kara felt on that day when she was presented with her new reality obliterated every other pain she had ever experienced, rendering them little more than stubbed toes in comparison.

* * *

“The portal wasn’t stable… you know that the power stabilisers weren’t in place yet; it required active management to prevent it going critical.”

“She stayed behind… she kept the portal open so that we… Kara, I’m so sorry...”

“It was unstable, it's… it’s very likely the portal exploded and… It would have been quick...”

“She said… she said… to tell you to be happy… Kara, she also… she also said something about looking forward to a sunset... Kara?”

“Kara? Say something, please…”

“Kara?”

“Kara?”

* * *

She stopped then. It was as if she ceased to exist. 

How could she exist when she no longer had a heart in her chest? 

Here she was on a whole new planet, and Kara couldn’t find the strength to get up and go see it.

She lived in her mind, going relentlessly over her memories of Lena, lost to a past she would do anything to change with absolutely no interest in building a future.

* * *

She would do things differently if she could. (So many things.) 

Kara sometimes wondered if she counted - her regrets versus the choices she would make again - which way the scales would tip…

There was a reason she never counted.

Kara knew that she was rather young to have so many regrets, so much weight on her shoulders and experiences that would scar her for the rest of her life. 

But, if she had to pick… if someone came to her and said there was one thing in her life she could change… it would be Lena. 

The problem, however, was that she didn’t know what specific choice or moment to change… there were too many options. So many of her snap decisions and cowardly actions had inflicted wounds on the youngest Luthor that would haunt Kara far worse than any of her own trauma could ever hope to.

She’d seen the story play out differently thanks to Mxyzptlk - but she doubted those versions, especially now after seeing how the future was more liquid than solid, able to change, fluctuate and bend around your fingers with only the smallest shift. Mxyzptlk had shown her some potential outcomes of different choices but that didn’t make them the _only_ outcomes.

The obvious history rewrite would be to have told Lena her true identity far earlier but if Kara was honest with herself as she tried to be in all matters related to Lena - because Kara refused to sully a single memory or thought she had of Lena with falsehoods - telling Lena about Supergirl wasn’t what Kara thought about most whilst she laid there in bed rejecting her new reality. 

Her daydreams and fantasies didn’t centre around Supergirl. 

Kara refused to boil everything between her and Lena down to Lena’s relationship with only a single strand of her identity. It was Kara Zor-El and Lena that mattered, everything else was just decoration atop that foundation. 

The change Kara would enact, if given the chance, could have taken place at any time, during any one of her interactions with Lena.

If Kara could do everything again… she would make sure that this time around she told Lena that she loved her. (Explicitly stated it rather than hint around it with pretty words.)

Truly and deeply loved her. 

That Kara’s heart hadn’t been beating correctly in her chest, didn’t know what its actual purpose was other than to pump blood through her veins, until she met Lena. That there were parts of herself that only Lena could access, parts of herself that only Lena would ever see. 

* * *

She knew that declaring her love for Lena during their very first meeting would be too soon, too intense but she should have at least realised what the fluttering of her heart really meant, instead of presuming it was anxiety about meeting a Luthor. She should have known what was really happening and acted on it as her friendship with Lena blossomed, instead of assuming the butterflies in her stomach were nerves about lying. She should have seen Lena’s early romantic gestures (flowers and galas with potstickers) for what they really were, rather than running towards a man, that whilst good and kind, didn’t make her heart swell as it struggled to comprehend everything Lena made her feel.

By the time Kara actually realised what her heart had been screaming and begging for her to understand, she was trapped and tied up around a web of lies so thick and all consuming that she didn’t know how to get out from under them. 

But then, inevitably, came the truth, (far, far, far too late) and the subsequent loss of Lena.

That hurt. 

It wounded Kara in a way she’d never been wounded before. And with any injury you’d never experienced, Kara - likewise - didn't know how to treat it. Didn’t realise how she poked and prodded at it merely made it bleed even more fervently. She then tried to erase it, rid herself of the organ (her heart) in its entirety - the ‘villain’ serving as a scalpel designed to free herself of the wound that refused to heal. 

When her heart returned to her, it was beaten, withdrawn, and Kara didn’t know how to accept it back, how to fit it back inside of her chest. 

It was awkward between her and Lena now. In a way it had never been before.

It was Kelly that put it all into perspective, helped Kara see the damage wrought on her heart, helped slot it back into place, though it now had jagged edges that kept catching and digging with every movement. It was Kelly that explained abuse victims, how they sadly returned to their abusers, how Lena had done just that after finding out that her attempt at escape had merely led her back to the same pain the Luthors had inflicted over and over again. Lena’s second escape, second show of strength was incredible and should be admired, not punished.

Kara and the Superfriends had hung their heads in shame.

Brainy was the first to bridge the gap, him and Lena having always shared an understanding that no one else could touch. Two souls, told to fear themselves but constantly striving to prove themselves worthy.

Kara would hover nearby, struggling with the desire to reach out but the guilt of harm already inflicted keeping her away and then… then…

It was the end of the world and Kara told herself that everything else could wait.

That _they_ could wait.

* * *

It never should have been _soon_ , or _later_ , or _almost…_

It should have been _now…_

_This moment, right now!_

Why did they keep fucking waiting?

All it did was result in missed opportunity after missed opportunity until there were no more _soons_ to come, and there would be no more ‘ _now’s_ to seize… all that was left was _too late_.

_Too fucking late._

* * *

There were some memories that stood out more than others, the ones where they planned their future, the ones where Lena had bared herself to Kara in a way that made Kara feel so privileged, the ones where they had been so, so, so close to crossing that final gap between them and formally gifting each other their hearts wrapped lovingly and addressed solely to one another. It was those memories that Kara played on endless repeat as Alex shook her, screamed for her to come back, to snap out of her catatonic shell…

“On the coast.” Lena had replied when Kara had asked where she wanted to live when they arrived at their new home.

“I didn’t think you liked the beach?” Kara murmured, shuffling closer and closer until Lena’s back was pressed right against Kara’s front, Kara’s arms moving to wrap around Lena’s middle, just wanting to hold her close as she continued to work tirelessly.

“I didn’t say beach…” Lena hummed, glancing back over her shoulder with a teasing twinkle in her green eyes that had Kara bending her head down to bury her nose in long black hair that smelled of citrus - the generic shampoo that had been given out to everyone in the bunker. “I lived on the coast in Ireland…” Lena revealed, after a beat, her voice turning soft and somber as it always did when she spoke of her mother and her life before the Luthors, causing Kara’s arms to gently squeeze Lena closer. “There were shingle beaches and cliffs… I just liked being able to hear the sound of the ocean. The waves hitting the shore… it was comforting.”

“Then a house on the coast you shall have.” Kara promised sincerely.

Lena laughed at that, “Oh, really? Are you going to build one for me?”

“No...” Kara replied, placing a quick kiss to the side of Lena’s head, “I’m going to build one for the both of us.” Lena stilled in her arms, her fingers moving away from the keyboard she had been typing on so that she could lay them over the top of Kara’s hands.

“Do you really want that?” Lena asked, quiet and disbelieving.

“Look at us, at this moment.” Kara requested, fingers flexing so that they interlaced with Lena’s easily. “I just want to be wherever you are.”

“Me too.” Lena replied, turning her head so that she could rest her forehead against Kara’s jaw, both of their eyes fluttering closed as they relished those rare few minutes that they could actually give solely to each other.

* * *

“It’s too much, sometimes…” Lena muttered, her hands shaking, after another long day, as she tried and failed to undo the buttons of her shirt so that she could finally slip into bed and sleep for a mere handful of hours before duty required her blood, sweat and tears all over again.

“I know.” Kara soothed, moving to kneel in front of Lena so that her own hands could reach out and gently take over the task. Kara’s fingers moved slowly, undoing each button with as much care as possible, her blue eyes politely averted as pale skin steadily became more and more visible. 

“It shouldn’t be me.” Lena whispered into the stillness, green eyes boring into blue as Kara tucked her fingers underneath the shoulders of Lena’s crisp white shirt to push it off and down her arms. “I get that they need my mind and my intelligence, I get that, I do… but they are looking at me to…” Lena trailed off, gaze going distant.

“To?” Kara prompted, folding the shirt with precise movements before retrieving her soft Midvale High School shirt that Lena had taken to sleeping in, holding it up for Lena to push her arms tiredly through.

“Inspire…” Lena huffed as she pushed her head through the neck-hole. “Me. The most cynical person alive.”

“That’s not true.” Kara asserted earning her a disbelieving eyebrow raise that had her shaking her head ruefully. “Okay, it’s somewhat true.” Kara admitted earning her a giggle of amusement that warmed Kara’s heart as she shifted to lay down on her side of the cot, opening her arms for Lena to fall into. 

“But it's not a bad thing. Not by a long shot.” Kara insisted seriously. “If it wasn’t for you, we would still be trying to fix the sun and billions of lives would have been lost whilst we accepted that we had to find another way. You’re not a cynic, though. I’ve watched you encounter stumbling block after stumbling block and you still…” Kara’s eyes roved over Lena’s fatigued, yet ever beautiful face, with wonder in her eyes. “Keep going… keep searching for a solution. A cynic wouldn’t do that. Couldn’t do that. You keep yourself grounded but you keep your eyes skywards. You inspire but you don’t lie. That’s what they did on Krypton, they liked sweet lies more than the harsh truth. You’re a balance of both.”

“Such tender words.” Lena remarked as a solitary index finger moved to tap affectionately against Kara’s lips.

“True words.” Kara corrected, puckering her lips to press something resembling a kiss to Lena’s finger, “If I was still leading... we would still be on the surface, my blind hope damning us all…”

Lena shook her head at that, harsh and firm, her hand moving to fully cup Kara’s face, “You’re wrong. So wrong.” 

“How so?”

“Firstly, that’s not what it is…” Lena explained, her legs tangling with Kara’s as Kara pulled the blanket over the both of them, “blind hope...”

“What is it, then?”

Lena pursed her lips thoughtfully as the hand on Kara’s cheek moved to comb through blonde hair, “Faith.”

“Faith?” Kara repeated, signature crease appearing between her brows at the term.

“Yes and it's a beautiful thing.” Lena breathed reverently, “It's probably the best thing about you.”

“I thought that was my blue eyes and handsome good looks.” Kara smirked, knowing if she leant into the moment they had created (sincere and loving), she wouldn’t be able to wait anymore… that _soon_ wasn’t going to cut it.

“That’s second and third place, respectively.” Lena shot back immediately, fingers stilling for only a second before continuing their endless movement through Kara’s hair.

“It’s still blind.” Kara said, returning to the topic, now more confident that she could rein in her desire for the time being. “Just as likely to lead to a miracle as it would off a cliff.”

“Maybe.” Lena agreed, “But faith, in the face of insurmountable odds, is when the impossible happens.” Lena countered as she settled further into Kara’s warm embrace, cold nose pressed against a spot just underneath Kara’s jaw. “I would have given up if it wasn’t for you, a long time ago.”

“I’m glad my ability to make the perfect coffee has paid off in some way.” Kara joked.

“Don’t do that. Don’t minimise yourself.” Lena said, tone hard and serious, making Kara tense for a fleeting moment. “The only reason I keep going after each stumbling block is because of you. Because you believe that I can do it.” Lena revealed, her voice rising an octave to keep back the sting of tears. “Your unshakeable faith in me, gives me the strength to make the impossible happen. Don’t you dare ridicule it. Because I need it, Kara.” Lena declared, lifting her head so that Kara could see the watery sheen magnifying vibrant green eyes. “I need you to have faith in me because most days it's the only thing keeping me going.”

* * *

Kara sat up for the first time then, head ringing with the memory of Lena’s words.

Lena is alive and she is waiting.

Kara just had to have faith. And if there was one thing that Kara had more faith in than anything else in the universe, it was Lena. 

Lena is alive and she is waiting.

Kara whispered the mantra to herself over and over again as she staggered to her feet. Repeated it endlessly until it tattooed itself onto the walls of the empty chasm where her heart should be.

Lena is alive and she is waiting.

The words fuelled her faith and her faith fuelled the words like an endless repeating cycle as she walked out of her room and got to work.

* * *

“Lena is alive and she’s waiting.” Kara declared to Brainy, who blinked at her rapidly in surprise at the statement and her unexpected appearance after being unresponsive for over a month.

“How can you be sure?” Brainy questioned, choosing to ignore the multitude of questions related to Kara’s sudden revival.

“I can’t, but I am.” Kara replied, falling into the chair opposite humanity’s new chief scientist. “How do we save her?”

Brainy pursed his lips and remained silent for a long time, clearly trying to decide if he should push back against Kara’s assertion before nodding once in acceptance. “Short answer, I don’t know.” Brainy answered honestly. “Long answer, another transmat portal.”

“Okay, then let’s build one.” Kara demanded, banging a clenched fist against an open palm.

“If only it was that easy.” Brainy laughed drily, shaking his head in resignation.

Kara’s jaw clenched in determination, “Tell me what the problems are.”

“Kara, I don’t think-” Brainy started softly, beginning the gentle deterrence and refusal that Kara was now intimately familiar with, having come straight from meeting the leaders of humanity (which had now formed an official government - The Terran Coalition).

“Now, Brainy.” Kara ordered coldly, her expression darkening.

Brainy flinched in shock at the tone and command, but recovered quickly, getting to his feet to write on a nearby whiteboard. The first word he wrote in big block capitals was ‘MATERIALS’. 

“Firstly, we don’t have the materials to construct another transmat portal. We depleted our supply of a number of rare elements and compounds that were present on Earth but we don’t know if they are here on Terra Nova. If they’re not, we would need to fully re-design the portal from the ground up to take into consideration the impact of substitutions.” 

“Which brings us onto the next issue.” Brainy continued, adding another word just below the first one, ‘KNOWLEDGE’. “Lena knew the portals better than anyone, the rest of us understood the particular portal design that we used and different parts of the underlying theory but it was only Lena that truly understood the full picture. I, and the scientists that worked closely with Lena, have now been allocated to separate projects.” Brainy explained, gesturing around the lab they were currently sat in that had only one or two familiar faces that Kara recognised from all the time she spent at Lena’s side. “Projects to ensure we can safely make Terra Nova our home, projects that serve the whole of humanity.” Brainy grimaced as he stated a truth Kara was acutely aware of from her lengthy discussion with the Coalition that had resulted in neither her nor them walking away happy. “The leaders won’t allow time and resources to be pulled away to work on this. They just won’t. But let’s say you can create an entirely new portal from scratch with only a shoe-string budget and support… you then reach the biggest issue… One that even Lena never got around to solving.”

“What?” Kara prompted, blue eyes narrowing at this.

“Precision.” Brainy wrote it out in big, block letters adding it to the list. “For the portals we used, we were just aiming for a planet, even just the general vicinity of space around the planet. We didn’t have to ensure the portals adjusted to remain in a fixed location on the other side, we just had to make them not overlap. We shot the transports through and then let them finish off the journey. To get back to Lena and save her… you would need _absolute precision_. You would need to open it up within the bunker. You would need it to adjust to remain in that location, which would massively increase the amount of energy required to open it. Opening it anywhere else could put you and anyone that goes through in massive danger and there would be no way to get to Lena without putting her in danger either.” Brainy hung his head, capping his marker pen and moved forward to squeeze Kara’s shoulder comfortingly, “I’m sorry, Kara. But even if-”

“Materials. Knowledge. Precision.” Kara repeated firmly, gaze fixed with steely determination on the words scrawled across the board. Three words stopping her from getting Lena back. Three herculean tasks that Kara was ready to dedicate herself to mind, body and soul.

Lena had told her once that she could make Kara an expert in ten years.

Kara intended to prove that wrong - she would do it quicker than that, she had to.

Whilst she might not have Lena to teach her, she did have one hell of an incentive.

* * *

Terra Nova was without a doubt a beautiful planet. Lush forests, snow peaked mountains, tropical jungles and enticing black-sand beaches. It lacked a desert but the majority of people weren't too disappointed to find that particular biome missing.

The first city of Terra Nova was named after humanity's saviour, as it should be. The Coalition had approached Kara about it, wise enough to know that any slight, accidental or otherwise, against the (presumed deceased) youngest Luthor would provoke the retired hero. They were originally planning something like Luthorton but Kara had shot that down, point blank telling them that if they wanted to honour Lena it should be Lena's name that was remembered and not the family that had betrayed her.

Lenacity (pronounced like tenacity) would forever be known as the first city of Terra Nova, to forever serve as a beacon of hope to humanity. There was even a statue in Lena's honour erected in the very centre of the city.

Not that Kara had ever seen it, nor did she attend the dedication ceremony; she barely even read the announcement proclaiming the city's name.

Humanity built itself a new home, creating infrastructure and cities. Rebuilding themselves anew and making this planet truly theirs in a far more sustainable manner than on Earth - they now knew the pitfalls of industrialization and the Coalition made sure to avoid them this time around with scientists like Briany serving as their guide.

Kara, though, only had a vague awareness of the world being built up around her. She moved from her bed in the makeshift hospital to a back-room in Brainy’s lab to, eventually, her own lab inside Lenacity University - the Coalition arranging her a workspace and position as a thank you for her service during the end of the Earth.

Kara had a purpose, a purpose driven by seven words that Kara would mutter under her breath whenever her head began to ache as she struggled her way through textbooks and theorems…

Lena is alive and she is waiting.

Kara's life revolved around this one goal to the exclusion of all else. She barely ate and she only slept when her mind simply could not go on.

She was weaker here, on Terra Nova. And not just in the figurative sense (her soul and mind torn asunder at the loss of her heart). She still had her powers but they weren’t the same as they were on Earth. The atmosphere and Sun on Terra Nova was different to Earth so it wasn’t completely unexpected. 

She was still stronger than a human being, could still lift a car but not a bus.

She was faster than a human being, but not faster than a bullet.

Her hearing was still enhanced; she could hear the heartbeats of people in the room but it took considerable concentration now, and anything more than a street away was near impossible.

Heat vision was still there but attenuated; she could still heat up a coffee after it had gone cold but she wasn’t going to be destroying a space-ship anytime soon.

Flight was the biggest loss. It was still there but it was tiring now. It used to be easy, seamless but flying a considerable distance was like running a half-marathon after only minimal prep. 

There were other effects of her powers being diminished, her golden complexion and hair lost their sun-kissed experience - hair turning a darker blonde and skin slightly paler.

Whilst Kara never did anything physically demanding, nothing of interest on this planet to prompt her to move, at least in those early years (later years spent seeking the exact right materials for her plans exposed her to a number of wondrous sights that had little impact on the hero focused on her singular task), she was not taking care of herself.

She now understood what Lena went through during those two years, why it was so hard to get her to stop and just take care of herself.

Stopping to eat, sleep or relax in anyway required justification. Justifying time that could be spent helping someone else - saving someone else - on an activity that felt selfish. 

It was probably something Kara should have experienced more of during her time as Supergirl, but she had never struggled to put distance between herself and that role. Had never really hesitated to accept invitations to karaoke and sister nights. It was different now, though, now Kara was no longer justifying the time delay to some unknown randomer who may or may not need saving… now she was justifying it to Lena. 

Lena, who was trapped in a bleak bunker all alone.

Lena, who probably thought no one was coming to save her.

The weight fell off Kara, her muscles steadily eaten away, dark bags under her eyes becoming a permanent feature and her hair hastily cut short and jagged to minimise the care she had to give it.

The only thing that saved Kara from the damage she was slowly inflicting on herself was Alex.

* * *

That first year, Alex kept her distance - accepting Kara’s casual dismissals without push-back and her usual assertiveness. It wasn’t just Kara that had been changed by their permanent departure from Earth. The fire in Alex’s eyes had dimmed, her assertiveness tempered and her overall demeanour more quiet and withdrawn. Kara sympathised (distantly), knowing what it was like to leave her home behind but feeling that Kelly, Eliza and the other Superfriends would be a much more effective support system compared to anything Kara could offer at that time.

Alex would stop by every now and again, hands clasped behind her back, hovering timidly in the doorway, making her various pleas, “Kara, you need to eat.”

“I can’t right now, why don’t you go have lunch with Kelly?” That was Kara’s go to rejection, figuring it would at least encourage Alex to live her life, she deserved to. No point dragging Alex down with her.

Alex would nod once and hesitantly walk away, popping back up a week later with a plate of food in her hands that she would place in a rare empty space on Kara’s desk

“Hey-”, Alex would begin, seeking to break through Kara’s focus.

“Not now.” Kara would reply simply, no sharpness or venom to it, just a simple refusal. 

Kara couldn’t be what Alex needed. She had no heart in her chest and she didn’t want to expose Alex to the coldness that now resided in the space it once occupied. 

Kara had to get Lena back. Once she got Lena back, she could be herself again. Could feel and support like she always did before. 

“Alex, just… leave me alone.” Kara requested before Alex even had a chance to say a word.

It was a year of this. Kara retreating further and further into herself and her work; Alex on the outside, uncertain of how to reach her. Tentative and nervous when her relationship with Kara had been the one she was most certain of.

“I’m sorry.”

The apology was new and managed to get Kara to cast a curious glance over her shoulder to see Alex, head dropped, red hair forming a barrier to her expression and hands curled into painful fists at her sides as she trembled in the doorway.

“Alex, I don’t really have time for this-” Kara began, already turning away when...

“I know you blame me…” Alex whispered, her voice cracking in a way that Kara had never heard before.

That jerked Kara back, brought her momentarily back to her own body, out of her half-life existence as she turned back round to actually _look_ at her sister for the first time in… _months_ . She looked _distraught_. Brown eyes broken and crying, lips bitten and raw, her complexion pale and her entire being exuding exhaustion.

“Blame you? Blame you for what?” Kara questioned in total confusion, moving towards her sister without conscious thought.

“For Lena.” Alex gasped, wrapping her arms tightly around own body protectively, “I… I failed her and I failed you.”

Kara’s jaw dropped, her stomach sinking like lead through the floor as the realisation punched her squarely in the gut. Alex hadn’t been grieving for Earth, she had been punishing herself. Punishing herself for Lena and by extension what Kara had turned into. 

“Alex… no… I don’t…” Kara stammered, reaching out with shy fingers that had forgotten what it was like to make contact with another being. “Is that what you think?”

“You can barely look at me.” Alex cried, cringing in shame and guilt… and that… 

It’s awful to admit, but it was the first time Kara felt something other than hollow. After a year of deadened emotion, Kara remembered how to feel. Felt the barrier she had unknowingly crafted around herself cracking open just a slither. Just enough for her to remember her sister. Her solid ground and most trusted ally. The person who she could always depend on. 

“I can barely look at myself.” Alex continued, unaware how her own breakdown was reviving her sister back from her empty shell. “You love her so much and I... I couldn’t save her for you. You’ve lost so much and I now understand a fraction of that, just a tiny fraction and… I should have saved her. She was my friend, too. And she… she didn’t even… she gave so much and I couldn’t…”

“Alex, oh Rao, no… no… no…” Kara murmured, finally stepping forward to wrap her arms around her sister that she had been hurting without realising. Everytime she had pushed Alex away in a bid to shield her from her emptiness, she had merely been reinforcing to Alex the misconception that she was to blame. “Come here. It wasn’t your fault, okay? It was mine. I left her side…”

“No! Kara!” Alex rejected loudly, even as her arms wrapped tightly around Kara in return. “No. You left her side because of _me_. Because I asked for Supergirl-”

“How long have you been carrying this?” Kara asked sadly, “How long?”

“Since we went through the portal.” Alex admitted, burying her face into Kara’s shoulder.

“Is that why… you thought I _hated_ you?” Kara whispered as the sheer _awfulness_ of it all threatened to overwhelm her.

“I would, if I was you…” Alex murmured.

“No, Alex never…” Kara refuted, not believing Alex’s statement in the slightest. She pulled back from the hug (the first hug Kara had since landing on Terra Nova), and wiped the tears off her sister’s cheeks with a brush of her thumb. “I love you, I just I… didn’t think… I didn’t think I could help you… I didn’t think I could give you what you needed…” Kara revealed, shaking her head dismally at her continued failures.

“I didn’t want you to give me anything… I just wanted my sister…” Alex confessed, causing the walls where Kara’s heart should be to clench reliving the phantom pain of being broken. “I’m sorry, too. You needed me as well.” Alex said softly, her gaze taking in Kara’s appearance.

“I’ve been busy,” Kara muttered, shifting uncomfortably from foot to foot under the scrutiny.

“Kara, you’re not doing well.” Alex stated bluntly.

Kara knew that she had let certain things slide about herself but they were meaningless in the grand scheme of things. “I need to do this. Lena is alive and she’s waiting.”

“Kara-” Alex began gently.

“Don’t! Don’t tell me I’m wrong!” Kara demanded, stepping back and lifting her chin in defiance. “If you’re not going to help me, fine. But don’t say she’s dead. At least not to my face.”

“I wasn’t.” Alex replied, jaw dropping in shock at Kara’s sudden emotional shift which instead of scaring Alex away only made her brown eyes sharpen with even deeper concern. “I wasn’t, Kara. But you need to look after yourself.” 

Kara’s gaze dropped to the floor, frowning harshly but holding her tongue, not wanting to inflict any further hurt on her sister.

“Listen… okay, listen to me.” Alex pleaded. It was her turn now to reach out to Kara, hands rubbing up and down Kara’s biceps to provide comfort, to bridge the gap between them. “You want to save Lena, right? How do you expect to do that if you’re not looking after yourself? You need to eat and sleep. You need to be at your best because that’s what she deserves.” Kara’s head tilted to the side at that, listening attentively. “You need to take time for yourself because… because when you save Lena… you should give her something strong and stable to lean onto, because she’ll need that. You need to look after yourself and your life so that when it's time... you can look after Lena.” Alex bent down catching clouded over blue eyes, deep in thought. “Okay?”

Kara didn’t reply for a long time, her mind whirring with this new perspective. She glanced at her hands that were trembling, remembered how Lena’s hands had shook under the insurmountable pressure and strain thrown on her. Lena deserved steady hands. Someone who didn’t swing from one emotional extreme to another. Someone who was ready for their heart to be returned.

“Okay… for Lena.” Kara breathed out.

Alex smiled at her, warm and tremulous, “Okay… Let’s get you something to eat.”

* * *

Kara became an oddity, something people whispered about with those pitiful gazes, like there was something wrong with her that could never be made right. She was a mascot, a joke, a piece of gossip shared and exaggerated, a tall tale told to children to warn them of the dangers of not letting go. 

The students at the university would creep to the edge of her lab to get a glimpse of her like it was a rite of passage. Every citizen knew her story. Knew Kara Danvers and Supergirl were one and the same, Kara Zor-El. Knew of the love she held for their Saviour, Lena Luthor. Knew that her sacrifice had destroyed Supergirl and left behind a changed woman that spent her days chasing fairytales.

The kind ones called her eccentric, felt she had more than earned her time away from the spotlight and didn’t judge her for not donning her cape again - Terra Nova didn’t need superheroes anyway.

The cruel ones, who had never suffered hardship or had suffered far too much of it (it was always one extreme or the other) called her delusional and callous for leaving humanity to rebuild on their own without their red-blue hero. 

She was no longer Supergirl. No longer Kara Danvers either. To everyone else, she was merely known as a woman trying to get back to Earth to save a ghost. A cautionary tale of a woman who had lost herself believing in something that was impossible.

The Tinman brought to life, seeking his heart that Dorothy had taken back to Kansas with her.

She left her lab now, after that first year of sheer self-destruction, understanding that in her pursuit of a ghost she couldn’t allow herself to become one either, because if Lena was there, waiting and Kara did manage to bring her home, then Kara wanted to have a _home_ ready for her. She wanted to be ready for her.

So Kara leant into the support of her friends, ensured she was there for them, listened to them and gave them time and consideration. In turn, they didn’t pull her away from her work, planned around her experiments and happily came and sat in her lab, filling the air with conversation whilst Kara’s hands worked on pieces of equipment.

Kara’s years went by divided into three sectors, each uneven fraction dedicated to the tasks identified by Brainy at the very start. It took Kara two and a half years to get her knowledge to a decent enough level to truly comprehend the underpinning science and workings of the transmat portal technology. The largest chunk was next, five years on materials. 

Whilst Kara’s knowledge had reached a basic level that meant she could stand shoulder to shoulder with Lena’s previous team; re-designing the portal to account for materials no longer accessible required Kara to become an expert and pioneer. No longer memorising the work of others but forging her own path. 

Thankfully, her life wasn’t solely anchored by her scientific pursuits, in no small part due to Alex and the Superfriends. 

The years were also hallmarked by Kara’s loved ones own lives and their achievements.

Alex and Kelly were married during that second year post arrival on Terra Nova. Alex had been delaying the event until her and Kara were back on the same page. Kara stood as Alex’s maid of honour, the couple were wed on a black sand beach that was as close to Midvale-esque as they were ever going to get.

Following the wedding, Alex, after spending a couple of years providing tactical support to the Coalition, decided to return to medicine in a research-based capacity. The change provided a simpler routine that was more conducive to building a family and Alex (after the loss of her home planet) wanted to feel like she was putting something positive into the world and not just removing the negatives. 

The third year saw Brainy and Nia’s engagement. Yet again, Kara stood as maid of honour, for Nia this time - Brainy chose to stand alone, everyone knowing that it would have been Lena standing by his side in that moment and that any substitution would not have measured up to his best friend.

The fourth year was when Alex finally approached Kara about her living situation. There were plenty of houses now, people having settled into their own communities, having staked their claim on their own piece of land. Kara was rich, Lena having left her considerable wealth to Kara that had been translated into the Terra Novan Currency (TNC) - no one was going to deny the saviour their fortune. The Coalition had repeatedly made it clear that Kara would be granted approval for a residence more or less anywhere she pleased. She had yet to take them up on the offer. 

She was happy with the small, barely used apartment near the university that she only visited whenever Alex came to inform her she was well overdue a shower. 

“You need a _home,_ Kara.” Alex had insisted, putting her foot down when Kara had yet again hosted sister’s night in her lab, having still not furnished her flat with anything resembling a couch. Kara had grumbled and groaned until Alex had pulled out her trump card. “Lena needs a _home_. When you bring her back, are you really going to make her crash in your lab?”

Kara applied for a piece of land near the coast, an hour’s journey from the city (only a twenty-five minute flight). Building a house there on the cliff where you could hear the water crashing against the rocks became a bonding activity amongst the Superfriends, an activity to bring them all together and away from their demanding jobs. It was the only time Kara felt something close to happiness… contentment. Sitting there on a bench, listening to the waves around a bonfire, sipping a beer with Alex, Kelly, Brainy and Nia (they were occasionally joined by Barry and Iris) talking about everything and nothing. 

Lena was a topic that could only be approached when they could tell Kara was settled and hopeful, it was never something to talk about when Kara started to grow morose and restless. They all spoke about the sights they wanted to show Lena, all the stories they would tell her.

They would talk about what Lena might be upto in the bunker, how with all this time she had probably become fluent in nearly every language, mastered the violin, built herself a robot dog, finally got around to watching crappy reality television (that she had promised she would never watch). The suggestions were only ever light and happy. They were all aware that if Lena was alive down there, shut off from the light without hope of being saved, the psychological damage would be severe. 

That was the other thing… _if…_

Kara knew it was only her that truly believed Lena was still alive. Alex was the next most convinced purely because Kara needed her to believe. Brainy and Nia were doubtful but too kind to openly declare their doubts. Kelly played her cards close to her chest, it was hard to tell what she actually believed when it came to Lena’s fate. Her main concern, without a doubt, was Kara’s mental health.

Kara had put all of herself into saving Lena. The only thing keeping her going was saving the youngest Luthor, the only thing that could make Kara look after herself was by linking it to Lena in some way. 

Kara knew it wasn’t healthy, knew that _if_ Lena wasn’t alive… she would most likely return to that catatonic state. It was just… _she had lost so much…_ so, so, so much… and losing Lena was just the straw (entire barn of hay) that broke the camel’s back. 

It was Kelly that picked Kara up once a week and frog-marched her to see a psychiatrist who was attempting to get Kara to steadily start living for herself and not just for Lena. It was in vain but Kara took onboard the lessons as much as she could.

By the end of the fifth year, Kara’s house (built for her and Lena) was complete. Kara forced herself to fly back there every night, wanting the place to feel warm and lived in and a home.

By the sixth year, Kelly was pregnant and Kara was set to be an aunt any day now.

“I’ll be there, I promise.” Kara reassured her sister for the fourth time. Alex was on speakerphone providing company from afar as Kara ran an experiment with some of the new materials she had recently collected to assess their suitability. They were having a distanced sister’s night, what with Alex wanting to stay at home to look after Kelly, who was set to go into labour any day now. Alex’s nervousness was manifesting itself in her over-preparedness, regularly checking that the route to the hospital was free of traffic every fifteen minutes, that their to-go bag was prepped and that Kara wasn’t running off anywhere on another materials expedition anytime soon.

“Thanks, Kara.” Alex breathed in relief.

“Have you decided on a name yet?” Kara questioned.

“No,” Alex sighed defeatedly, “we keep going back and forth. I think we'll know when we meet her, you know? At least I hope so.”

“I’m sure you will.” Kara reassured, peering through a microscope, nimble fingers adjusting the magnification.

“Hey…” Alex said slowly, her tone shy and awkward enough that it earned Kara’s full attention. 

“What?”

“Did you and Lena ever…” Alex began softly, her voice trailing off as if the rest of the sentence wasn’t necessary. Kara stayed quiet, eyeing the phone warily, waiting her sister out. She heard the inhale of breath her sister took as if to suck in courage as well as air for what she was about to say next, “Did you and Lena ever talk about kids?”

Kara pursed her lips, and crossed her arms, gaze dropping to the floor, “Lena and I weren’t together.”

“I know…” Alex murmured back, there was a beat, before a whisper, “but did you?”

Kara swallowed thickly, blinking rapidly to dispel the tears and ease the phantom pain in her chest, “Yeah… yeah, we did.”

* * *

“Ugh… another five minutes.” Kara grumbled, pulling Lena, who was attempting to get up out of their small cot, closer into her body. 

“See, I knew your chirpy morning personality was a lie.” Lena chuckled, and Kara’s slumbering heart ached at how exhausted she sounded before the day had even begun.

“You caught me.” Kara whispered, smiling as she nuzzled into Lena’s back. “Sleep is glorious and there is nothing that should interrupt it.”

Kara didn’t need to look at the youngest Luthor’s face to know she was rolling her eyes. “And here I thought you wanted children at some point in the future...”

“Children that respect the sanctity of a good night’s sleep.” Kara replied, letting out a sleepy huff that caused Lena to shiver. 

“Good luck with that.” Lena teased, her hands moving to cover Kara’s that were wrapped around her waist. “Your children will be blue-eyed devils.”

“Luke and Lori.” Kara yawned without thinking.

“Hmm?”

“The blue-eyed devils.” Kara explained.

“You’ve already picked out the names?” Lena asked quietly, mildly surprised.

“Not hard, limited options.”

“How so?” Lena laughed, twisting round so that they were nose to nose.

Kara’s closed eyes fluttered upon feeling Lena’s warm breath against her face, she hid her reaction to it with a helpless shrug, “Had to both start with L.”

“L?” Lena scoffed, “Why would they-”

Lena’s voice cut out, realising the answer without needing to ask the question.

Kara opened one eye, catching sight of the shocked, awestruck expression on Lena’s face. “It’s tradition, isn’t it?” Kara murmured shyly.

“Yeah… yeah, it is.” Lena breathed, a tentative smile lighting up her face as she reached out to tuck a lock of golden hair behind Kara’s ear. “I like the names Lori and Luke.”

“You do?” Kara beamed, blue eyes opening fully and twinkling.

“Yeah, they’re the perfect names for our little blue-eyed devils.”

  
  


* * *

  
  


“I can do it.” Kara announced, landing hard and panting heavily causing her group of friends who were gathered around the bonfire outside Kara’s home to jump to their feet.

“Kara, what-” Alex began, holding little Amelia closer to her chest as the toddler reached out with grabby hands for her favourite aunt.

Kara ignored everyone and marched right up to Brainy, declaring wide-eyed and frantic, “I solved all three problems. I can save her.”

Brainy’s expression went slack, his eyes darting around the group which had fallen conspicuously silent. “Kara, I…” He began nervously.

“I know none of you believe me.” Kara said bluntly, finally pointing out the large elephant that was always in attendance whenever Kara interacted with them. “I know that.” Kara sighed, looking around her loved ones with a sad, understanding smile. “I especially know you’re afraid of what happens when that portal opens and I find out that Lena-” Kara shook her head - she had held onto her faith for over nine years now, she was not going to forsake it when she was in the final stretch. “I’m going, regardless. I can have the portal built in a month…” Kara revealed before looking back at Brainy pleadingly, “two weeks if you help me. I know you don’t believe me and I’m not going to ask you to. But I am going to ask you to help me.” Kara’s shoulders caved forwards, as she wrung her hands together on the precipice of actually _begging_. “Please, please help me…”

Brainy blinked once, let out a shuddering breath and then, “Okay…”

“We’ll all help…” Alex announced stepping forward to squeeze Kara’s shoulder. 

* * *

“Is that-” Kara started to ask as Brainy stepped forward holding out a familiar red and blue outfit Kara hadn’t laid eyes on for years, hadn’t worn for even longer.

The portal was ready, they were just waiting for the Coalition to divert the required power supply they needed. The Coalition had originally refused to give Kara the increased power she required since they, and the rest of humanity, fully believed Lena to be dead and that Kara’s obsession could only result in disaster - Brainy and Eliza had been the ones to convince them, leveraging their positions as Chief Scientist and Chief Medical Officer to gain their agreement.

“I figured… it was a special occasion.” Brainy murmured, smiling wanely at her. 

He and the rest of the Superfriends, including Eliza, had taken two weeks of holiday from their respective jobs so that they could help in whatever they could to get the portal active. 

“Thanks, Brainy.” Kara replied sincerely, accepting the familiar outfit and going to get changed.

It didn’t fit as well as it used to. 

She was thinner so it hung off in places, and the dark shadows to her face made the colours just that little bit less vibrant than Kara remembered them being. She was glad to be wearing it though. It was what she had worn the last day she had seen Lena over nine years ago. It felt right that she should be wearing it nine years later when they finally reunited.

“You have to promise me something.” Alex said as she stepped up to stand by Kara’s side as Brainy checked over the final calibrations Kara had made, before they turned the portal on. “If she’s… gone… you still need to come back, okay?” Alex demanded; Kara stared at her sister’s profile to see that her expression had hardened in an attempt to hold back a wave of emotion but the tremble to her bottom lip belied how futile the fight was. “I need my sister. I need you. So… no matter what you find… you come back and we’ll figure out the next step together.” Alex glanced over at Kara revealing watery brown eyes. “Promise me. I need you to say it.”

Kara hesitated for a long moment but the thought of inflicting the pain she had experienced after losing Lena on Alex… on little Amelia, gave her the strength to nod once, firm and sure. “I promise, no matter what I’ll come back through.”

“Okay,” Alex breathed out a shuddering breath before pulling Kara into a tight hug and muttering, “I love you.”

“I love you, too.” Kara replied, wrapping her arms tightly around her sister and knowing that in an hour or so, she would be different.

She would either have her heart back or know, without a doubt, that it had been lost forever.

When she stepped through the portal, a metal wire connecting her to her lab in Terra Nova, she waved once at her family and friends. None of them waved back, all just nodded mournfully.

They were all convinced that Kara would find nothing good on the other side. Convinced that they would lose this tinman version of Kara to something far worse. 

They didn’t wave because... who waves at a funeral?

Kara, though, gripped tighter onto her faith. 

Lena is alive and she is waiting.

And now… now… she was literally mere steps away.

Absence supposedly makes the heart grow fonder, but that wasn’t true in Kara’s case. Her heart had been in stasis, countless lightyears away. Her love was paused. Ready to unfurl and grow the second her heart was returned to her.

* * *

“Okay, I got the angle slightly wrong…” Kara admitted with a wince, nowhere near as invincible as she used to be - kryptonite no longer required to inflict damage that a particularly powerful gun or explosion could do.

 _“You fell face first, didn’t you?”_ Alex’s voice sassed over the comms line as Kara let out a pained groan.

“Yep, face planted…” Kara lifted her head, disappointed to find herself staring down a dim corridor. She had forgotten how cold the concrete walls of the bunker were after all this time (the bunker had always been warm to Kara, mostly because of how close she always stood to Lena). It was then that Kara noticed the tiny marks carved into the concrete wall; they filled nearly all of the available wall space and ran down the length of the corridor.

 _“You know you can fly, right?”_ Alex reminded her, trying far too hard to keep their conversation light, to keep Kara light...

“I know I can fly but I wasn’t thinking about flying and didn’t react in time…” Kara huffed struggling to her knees; turning her head to see if the marks continued down the other side of the corridor, “and-” 

The rest of her sentence died right there, turning to ash as she saw a figure at the other end of the corridor watching her.

_“Kara, is everything okay? What’s happening?”_

Kara knew the scenes in medical dramas where they shocked someone back to life were unrealistic and played for drama more than for accuracy, but… it was the closest description Kara could think of to explain what she went through in that moment. 

Her heart was thrown back into her chest and shocked to life. 

Lena was standing in front of her. 

Lena was alive and she had been waiting.

She looked… looked like a miracle to Kara. 

She was even paler now, no regular exposure to sunlight to keep a healthy complexion but other than that… she looked _good_. She was thinner but not in the same way as Kara. Her curves had receded to be replaced by muscles, her dark hair was still long but tied back in a practical ponytail, white hairs dotted here and there like stylish highlights rather than markers of growing old. 

Her green eyes, however, were dimmed and her fingers kept tapping away awkwardly and uncoordinated in a blatant display of a nervous tic. She was wearing a heavily faded Midvale High School shirt, doc martens, worn-out jeans with a heavy duty belt from which various random tools and pieces of machinery were clipped to. 

“You’re here… You’re really here…” Kara breathed out, her blue eyes drinking in the sight of Lena shifting shyly from foot to foot as she stroked the smooth metal surface of a piece of machinery standing as sentinel by her side for comfort. 

_“Lena?! She’s alive!”_

Kara barely even registered the exclamation from her ear piece, her full focus entirely on the woman before her.

“Kara.” Lena murmured and oh, Rao… if hearing her name fall from Lena’s lips wasn’t the single greatest sound in the universe.

“Lena, you’re here…” Kara whispered totally awestruck, getting to her feet and taking slow, careful steps towards Lena, her fingers instinctively reaching out for the raven-haired woman.

“I don’t under-... this isn’t real… you’re not real… you can’t be real…” Lena stammered, shuffling backwards and away from Kara.

Kara couldn’t help the gasp of pain, her heart so close to being fully returned only to back away from her. It wasn’t even Lena putting space between them after so, so, so long apart… it was the fear and confusion in those green eyes that Kara had dreamt about every night that inflicted the true hurt.

The gasp of pain also came with the realisation that Lena wasn’t quite the same, that being alone and isolated had left its indelible mark… That Kara hadn’t saved all of her and that Lena hadn’t _believed_ Kara would save her… and that… that _broke_ Kara.

“Did I answer the knock? Is this a dream? Milo analyse the surroundings and conditions.” Lena ordered, dropping her gaze to her tablet as she tapped frantically against the screen, mumbling her every thought out loud. “Hallucination, most likely… potential causes… sleep deprivation? Unlikely, I have a set sleep schedule. Radioactivity has finally penetrated the bunker and has caused a multitude of health problems. Possible, though I take regular readings of-”

“Lena! Please, stop…” Kara cried, collapsing to her knees in front of Lena. “I’m here, okay? I’m really here!”

“No! No!” Lena shouted in return, “This isn’t real! Because… because… You’re meant to be married! You’re meant to be _happy_ ! You’re not meant to be _here…_ ” Lena’s breaths came out sharp and panicky, so obviously overwhelmed and Kara just wanted to soothe her.

If it was nine years ago Kara would know exactly how to do that. Back then Lena needed a grounding touch, needed to feel like she wasn’t alone, that someone was there to hold her and support her through it…

But would this Lena want that?

Would Lena jerk away from her touch? 

Barbed wire had curled around Kara’s heart making her wary of getting too close until she had tenderly uncoiled every piece of twisted metal that had been threaded through it.

Here’s the thing though… The barbed wire hurt Kara to touch but Lena, her heart, was living with it, had endured the wire being inserted and had learnt to survive its constant barbs, now here Kara was disturbing it all. Anything Kara did would inevitably hurt Lena in some small way - confusion, panic and uncertainty - the very least she could do is hold Lena closer, if that's what she wanted, and share the pain.

Kara’s fingers reached out, and made _gentle_ contact. It was the softest that Kara had ever touched anything, because this… _Lena…_ deserved everything to be soft and tender and beautiful….

She wanted to pull Lena’s hands away from her face but she didn’t want to force Lena in any way, she just wanted her to _know_ that Kara was really there and was not going anywhere. 

Thankfully, miraculously… Lena leaned into her rather than away and Kara was gifted the scent of citrus with a hint of oil as Lena rested her forehead on Kara’s shoulder, accepting Kara’s support.

 _Her_ Lena was definitely still there and the barbed wire was not as copious as Kara had initially feared.

“Lena, how could I be happy without you?” Kara whispered, her fingers moving ever so carefully from Lena’s biceps, round to her back… so tenderly wrapping Lena up in her arms, finally, finally able to _breathe_ after years of holding her breath. “Let me take you home, please, please Lena… let me take you away from here, please…” Kara begged, pressing featherlight lips against Lena’s forehead. “Let’s go see that sunset, yeah?”

Lena pulled away and before Kara had a chance to feel hurt about the distance, the kryptonian felt calloused, wonderful palms cupping her face and wiping away the tears that Kara hadn’t even realised she was shedding until Lena’s thumbs wiped them away. “You still want to? Even after all this time?”

Kara barely resisted the urge to laugh at the sheer preposterousness of the question. 

“It’s all I’ve thought about.” Kara confessed and she felt her face _ache_ with the size of the smile trying to take over her face. 

And if Kara thought that seeing Lena, being reunited with her heart, couldn’t get any better she was about to be proven totally wrong because green eyes dipped down and honed in with intent. For the first time in nearly a decade Kara’s stomach swooped with that heady mixture of arousal and nerves that only Lena could evoke.

Kara breathed in sharply and leaned forward when-

“ _Sha-la-la-la-la-la, music play, do what the music say, you wanna kiss the girl.”_ Kara’s head whipped around to see a… a… _robot dog singing????_

Kara’s eyebrows shot up as the greyhound-shaped piece of metal with glowing green LED eyes, banged its tail excitedly on the floor as it moved its shiny head from Lena to Kara and back again.

“Thanks, Milo.” Lena chuckled wetly; Kara had forgotten what Lena’s throaty laugh sounded like and she could feel her whole body lighten up after hearing it that she had to will herself not to start hovering off the floor. “I have a robot dog, now.” Lena explained needlessly, cheeks turning an embarrassed pink that made Kara truly have faith that everything would be okay between them regardless of whatever came next.

“I can see that.” Kara replied with a laugh, her hand reaching out to brush through Lena’s dark hair, as she asked her voice brimming with hope, “Are you ready to go?”

“Yeah, yeah, I am…” Lena admitted with a fervent nod of her head before pressing a delicate kiss to Kara’s cheek. “I want to see that sunset.”


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I've written the remaining parts so will update every three days.
> 
> Enjoy loads of fluff and comfort. :)

Too much.

It was all too much.

Too bright, too loud, too many people, too many sensations, too many choices…

Too much, too much, too much.

Lena felt like she was constantly drowning, being sucked under as colossal wave after colossal wave crashed into her. It was only Kara and Milo that kept her from being dragged to the very bottom of the ocean, that raised her up above the surface of the water so that she could take gasping breath after gasping breath in the breaks between waves.

It was Milo that sang out, a second after Lena had stepped through the portal, “ _ Bright lights in the sky-" _ , increasing the speed of the song to highlight his urgency, and shifting to a different tune to try and convey his message, “- _ take my sunshine away!”  _

It was Milo that understood why Lena's eyes slammed closed and why she buried her face into Kara's shoulder, the sunlight still burning through her closed and shielded eyelids. And it was Kara that didn't hesitate, that made the connection and rushed to help.

“Nia, pass me those welding goggles.” Kara demanded.

There were sounds of shuffling and quick footsteps before Lena felt Kara's hands moving to put something on her head; the Luthor leaned back eyes scrunched up tightly as she felt the goggles slide into place.

“There you go…” Kara soothed and Lena blinked her eyes open to find the bright world darkened back to something more acceptable. Years of dim fluorescent lights had made her eyes sensitive to the sunlight pouring through the windows of the lab. “I’m sorry,” Kara apologised, her gaze downcast and ashamed, “I should’ve thought about that…”

“It’s okay.” Lena promised, reaching out to tuck a dark blonde lock of hair behind Kara’s ear so that she could more easily see the pain in her favourite blue. “Considering you just saved me, I think you get a free pass.” Lena teased with a light chuckle causing Kara to perk up immediately, a tremulous smile appearing.

Milo knew her, the new her ( _ the broken version of her _ , Lena's traitorous mind would whisper), knew her idiosyncrasies, her weak spots and adaptations. Milo understood how the bunker had changed her after nine years but it was Kara that helped her adapt. Milo alerted Kara to the traps and breakpoints and the blonde diligently worked to defuse them and put suitable bridges in place to help Lena overcome them.

It was Kara that shielded Lena from the Superfriends’ eager rush forward when the raven-haired woman flinched away from the overwhelming emotions being directed her way. She understood the tears and watery smiles but Lena didn’t know how to  _ react,  _ what was the accurate response to give especially to  _ so  _ many people. She was out of practice and had dulled her own emotions over time until she now struggled to recognise her own feelings let alone other people’s.

It was Kara that held her hand so, so, so gently after agreeing to let Eliza carry out a medical exam.

It was Kara that murmured soft encouragement, whilst Lena kept a frantic, nearly non-coherent audible stream of consciousness going throughout her medical examination.

It was Kara that lifted Milo up to the table beside Lena so that she could keep a grounding hand on his smoothed metal head.

It was Kara that ordered with narrowed eyes and a harsh frown that Lena was to be left alone until she could adjust.

It was Kara that smiled and said a grateful ‘thank you’ when Brainy promised to keep the Coalition in the dark about Lena’s return for as long as possible.

It was Kara that smoothed out the harsh edges of Lena and the world she had arrived in. 

It was Kara…

It was Kara…

It was Kara…

Again and again… easing back the  _ too much  _ into something more manageable. 

But for every small adjustment Kara made for her, Lena couldn’t help but wonder if Lena was giving her  _ too little  _ in return _ …  _

Whether this broken, twisted thing she had become was  _ enough  _ for Kara. She had already accepted she would never live up to whatever image Kara had conjured in her mind of Lena, whatever memory of Lena she had held onto for nine years… 

She just hoped, however, that she wasn’t  _ too much  _ of a disappointment. That this older version of herself could be  _ enough  _ even in the mighty shadow inevitably cast by her younger self.

She doubted it. Doubted it every time she saw how she was unable to give Kara what she wanted, how she failed to live upto the fantasy of their reunion Kara had probably imagined time and time again.

She could see how she fell short by how Kara’s fingers flexed with the desire to touch her. 

Could see how Kara pursed her lips when Lena needed silence, clearly wanting to talk, connect, re-learn every little thing about her.

Could see how Kara’s breath stuttered whenever Lena’s gaze dipped to her lips intermittently.

She never saw a flash of disappointment in blue eyes but Lena convinced herself that she wouldn't be able to recognise it anyway after all this time.

That maybe nine years was enough to unlearn the woman she loved...

* * *

Alex offered to drive them to Kara's home, once Eliza had cleared Lena and written out some clear instructions on how to manage her rehabilitation.

Kara admitted to wanting to fly them there but explained that flying on Terra Nova was draining, especially if she was transporting herself, Lena and Milo; she didn’t want to risk exhaustion and potentially hurt Lena after just getting her back.

Lena had smiled in understanding, squeezing their linked hands (that hadn't separated for even a moment since their reunion) before beginning to spill out the contents of her thinking mind that pondered why Kara would find the journey fatiguing.

“How far is the house? It can’t be that far, you never did like having too much distance between work and home. You never used to have trouble flying heavy weights over rather considerable distances which implies that your powers aren’t as strong here. What could be the cause of that? I purposefully selected a planet that resembled Earth’s atmosphere and properties as much as possible. I also compared the sol sun with this one - has it got a name yet? I wonder if it was far more inventive than Terra Nova-”

Kara listened attentively, smiling fondly as Lena spoke her thoughts out loud; Alex, on the other hand, frowned nervously, brown eyes sharpening with concern that Lena didn't notice.

The drive wasn’t bad, mostly because Milo stuck his head out the window and blasted out as many songs as he could that had even the slightest thing to do with cars and road trips. 

Lena kept her gaze fixed on the car seat in front of her, she didn’t voice it but the wide open spaces and lack of concrete walls which she associated with  _ safe haven _ was causing her to panic. Kara didn’t comment, even though Lena suspected that the blonde was more than aware of her racing heart-rate; every time her heartbeat upticked noticeably (an open field or an expansive glimpse of the blue sky) Kara lifted Lena’s hand to her lips and pressed a soothing kiss to the back of it. She kept her eyes forward and away from the windows, listening to Kara hum and sing quietly along to whatever song Milo was playing excitedly. 

That was another difference Lena noted, even with her anxiety-ridden mind, Kara wasn’t singing loud and deafening as she used to do whenever she and Lena had made car-trips together. Lena assumed this was due to Kara mellowing out with age (a thought that made her wistful for the brash blonde of her past) but Lena would have known that was not the case if she had seen how Alex’s eyes teared up with happy surprise upon hearing Kara’s voice follow along to the words of ‘Fast Car’.

Kara’s house was not quite what Lena was expecting and she couldn’t really put her finger on why. 

It being on the coast was the first thing she noticed; it was within walking distance of a pebble beach and the back of it looked out on a rocky outcrop overhanging the crashing waves. It was two stories with big windows into the living room and bedrooms. There was substantive decking at the back with a large hanging chair big enough for two. 

That was it, Lena realised, as her gaze settled on the wide seat.

It was not a house built for someone on their own. 

It was a family home, big, warm and welcoming. But not as mismatched as Kara’s usual style, it had her usual flair for bright colours but it was sharper, more thought out. 

“Do you like it?” Kara asked, and when Lena finally swung her previously transfixed gaze from the house to the blonde, Lena could see how nervous she was in the wringing action of her hands and the bite of her lip.

Lena considered the question, brow furrowing as she swung back to admire the house. It reminded her of  _ home _ … in every sense of the word. It reminded her of Ireland and waking to her mother’s voice and the waves crashing in the background. It reminded her of an apartment in National City, organised and clear cut - the first place she could truly make her own after being under the thumb of her family. It reminded her of Kara, of her warm hugs and tendency to curl up and nap in a sunbeam. 

“I love it.” Lena answered honestly, turning back just in time to see the sheer relief and joy take over Kara’s whole being. “Though, it’s not the house I imagined for you.” She admitted, causing a wrinkle to instantly appear between Kara’s brows.

“What do you mean?” 

Lena shrugged, “It’s…”, she frowned as she struggled to find the words to articulate the mess of thoughts running through her head, “It doesn’t feel like its’ just  _ your  _ home…” 

Lena trailed off, awaiting Kara to blush and stammer as she confessed that she had shared it with many others over their nine years apart. That she had built a home with someone else. 

Understanding dawned on the blonde, but there was no blush or sudden shyness, instead Kara reached out for Lena’s hand again and stepped forward until she could lightly press their foreheads together and Lena could see the resolve in bright blue eyes. “That’s because it’s not.” Kara admitted. “I…” Kara swallowed thickly, eyes flickering greedily over Lena’s features, “It’s  _ ours _ . I built it for us. If you want it, that is?”

Lena inhaled shakily, her green eyes slipping closed as she tentatively let go of Kara’s hand so she could wrap her arms around Kara’s waist and Kara, in turn, protectively encircled Lena with her arms. 

“More than anything.” Lena whispered almost inaudibly but she knew Kara heard her by how the kryptonian  _ sank  _ into her embrace and released whatever final bit of tension she had been carrying with her.

* * *

“It’s big.” Lena commented without really thinking about it as she stared at the king-sized bed that finished up the tour of her new home. 

“Uh… yeah?” Kara replied, rubbing the back of her neck sheepishly as she shifted from foot to foot in the doorway, watching as Lena and Milo wandered round the bedroom. “It’s… umm… super comfortable. The best in the range. Kelly and Alex helped me pick it out. I don’t… I haven’t slept much so I haven’t truly tried it out. I used to sleep in the lab on a couch there but… wow, I’m rambling…” Kara huffed out, pouting at herself before shaking her head ruefully. “I haven’t done that in…”

Lena’s mouth turned downwards as Kara trailed off, the  _ years  _ that would have finished it off unnecessary. 

“It does look super comfy.” Lena replied, moving to sit on the edge of the bed and patting the spot next to her, inviting Kara to join her which the blonde didn’t hesitate to do.

“Look, I know that you’ve been… uh… alone for a long time…” Kara began, ducking her head and focusing on the wooden floor. 

Lena couldn’t help how she immediately tensed up, wary of where this was going. She wanted more with Kara but she didn’t… she didn’t know how to give it to her… didn’t fully trust the ground beneath her feet, the sky above her head… a part of her (larger than Lena cared to acknowledge) believed the radiation had finally - inevitably - gotten her and this was all some elaborate yet beautiful hallucination and… and… Lena was barely holding herself together. Barely living upto the woman that Kara had last seen nine years ago. 

How could she live up to the relationship Lena and Kara of nine years ago were so close to having? 

“I don’t want to overwhelm you or… or… do anything to make you feel uncomfortable… so…” Kara continued, fingers pulling on a thread of the jeans she had changed into back at the lab. “I was planning on you having this room and I’ll sleep in the guest room across the hall but if you want me further away - you know how I snore - I can do that.” 

Lena blinked once as Kara’s words registered, “You’re not staying with me?”

A bright, incandescent red flushed Kara’s cheeks and Lena’s heart fluttered at the sight of the blush that she wasn’t entirely sure this version of herself should be capable of earning. “Well, I figured… uh… that… you know… we haven’t…”

Lena and Milo exchanged a glance as Kara stammered and stuttered through her non-answer.

Deciding it was her turn to be brave, to bridge the gap and defuse the landmines, Lena shifted to rest her head on Kara’s shoulder and murmured, “The bed’s big enough for two.”

“Uh… yeah, it is…” Kara breathed, her voice high-pitched and strangled.

“Then it’s settled, you’ll stay with me.” Lena declared as if that simple agreement with regards to square footage made the decision for them.

“Are you sure that’s okay?” Kara whispered.

“It is for me, if it is for you...” Lena assured, turning her head to place a kiss on Kara's covered shoulder.

“Yeah, that’s okay for me…” Kara moved to wrap an arm around Lena’s back and they sat there for a few minutes in comfortable silence, that small agreement serving as the first step for them to regain what they once were.

* * *

Lena couldn’t sleep.

It didn’t matter that Kara had put up black out blinds so that she could sleep without the heavy duty goggles. It didn’t matter that the waves (only slightly audible through the thick glass) served as a suitable white noise to ensure she didn’t hyperfixate on the lack of familiar sounds she associated with the bunker. It didn’t matter that Milo was curled up protectively at the foot of the bed, her ever constant companion in his usual position. It didn’t matter that Kara was on the other side of the bed, no contact between them (it had been awkward when they turned in, shifting uneasily as they very much kept to their individual sides of the bed), her warmth and closeness a grounding force.

It didn’t matter because the bed was  _ too big. _

For nearly eleven years, Lena had been sleeping in a single cot. For the first two years she had shared it on and off with Kara, curled up so tight and still to prevent falling off the side. For the last nine she had gone to bed with all limbs brushing the edges. And now… she felt lost in the open land that was the bed. It was too big, too wide, too long, too comfy.

_ Too much, too much, too much….  _

It must have been early morning when Lena sat up and rubbed her face with her hands.

“What’s wrong?” A croaky voice asked, breaking the peaceful silence of the room.

Lena glanced to her left to see Kara had rolled over, blue eyes far too sharp for her to have just woken up. 

“I… I…” Lena began, mouth opening and closing uselessly. 

How does she say you have given me  _ too much _ ? 

“Do you need me to go?” Kara asked, no offense or hurt lacing the question, it was genuine and curious. A sweet offering with no hard feelings.

“No!” Lena squeaked out, grabbing the too thick duvet in tightly clenched fists. If Kara left, the bed would be even larger in it’s expanse…

Kara’s eyes widened at the sharpness of Lena’s reply, but she didn’t let herself respond with any sudden movements, instead she very slowly lifted herself up into a sitting position and waited for Lena to give her a consenting nod before shuffling closer, a tentative hand reaching out to press into the small of Lena’s back giving her a single grounding point of contact. 

“It’s  _ too _ big…” Lena whispered once her hands started to relax their tight grip. 

“What is?”

“ _ The bed’s too big-, The bed’s too big-”  _ Milo helpfully played out an interrupted version of an old song by Police earning him a grateful sigh from his owner. 

“You still slept on the single bed?” Kara guessed, her eyebrows shooting up in surprise, having clearly assumed that without being tied to the lab Lena would seek out a far more comfortable sleeping option in the dorms. 

“It still smelled like you…” Lena replied answering the question that Kara hadn’t quite voiced. 

Kara inhaled sharply at that and Lena felt Kara’s fingers press more firmly into her back as if that would increase the contact between them in some way. 

“For the first few months after…” Lena cleared her throat and shook her head unable to reference the event that had left her alone. “It was the only thing that helped me sleep. Your smell, your shirt…” Lena blinked back the tears that started to come as she remembered the day a couple of months into her isolation when she realised Kara’s scent had faded. She had screamed and nearly broken her fist against the concrete walls. “So, no… I don’t want you to go.” 

Lena reached behind herself, settling her hand over Kara’s and tugging it so it more tightly surrounded her. The movement forced Kara closer until she was pressed against Lena’s side. Feeling surrounded was complete bliss and immediately Lena let out a yawn. 

Blinking sleepily, Lena scooched downwards taking Kara with her until they were laying down, Lena turned so that her back was to Kara tugging her other arm so that she was totally ensconced by Kara on one side whilst as close to her edge of the bed as she could get on the other. How tightly they were pressed together meant they were only taking up a sixth of the bed.

“Better?” Kara whispered, her breath warm against Lena’s ear, eliciting a pleasant shiver that had Kara’s hands settling more firmly against the designated safe zone of her covered stomach and hip.

“Better.” Lena confirmed, eyes drooping closed as she felt the barest touch of Kara’s lips against the side of her head. 

“Night Lena.”

“Mmm… night Kara….”

Lena was asleep barely a second after mumbling her reply.

* * *

After the first year of solitary confinement in her bunker, Lena survived due to one reason: routine. She programmed a set schedule and plan for her day that she would mechanically follow. 

She would wake up at 07:00 every day. 

Breakfast at 07:15.

Start maintenance checks at 07:30.

Break at 10:30.

Maintenance checks continued from 11:00.

Lunch at 13:00.

Lab work and research for the rest of the afternoon from 13:30, break at 15:00 and stop at 18:00.

Dinner at 19:00.

Bed by 22:00.

It was monotonous but utterly necessary. The watch on her wrist primed to beep at each interval.

When Lena woke the day after leaving her bunker it wasn’t to the high-pitched beep of her watch. She woke feeling warm, protected and sheltered but also… lost… confused… panicked.

The instant positive feelings that she had experienced when she first woke up vanished as she struggled to understand where she was.

“Lena, it’s okay… it’s okay… just breathe… just breathe...”

Lena thrashed around trying to get free, the safe enclosure around her immediately backing off allowing her to fall out of the bed that she didn’t recognise. Milo was at her side in an instant, a lightning rod to grab onto playing gentle symphonies to soothe her as Lena kept her eyes closed, arms tight around her metal dog as she listed out what pieces of equipment she needed to inspect that day. 

“Air purifier, refrigerators, structural integrity of B2-7, structural integrity of B2-8…” She listed them out, planning her route. 

All of them were critical to her survival. She had to check them, she just had to!

“Okay, okay…” A different voice to her own murmured encouragingly from the bed beside her. “You don’t need to check them anymore, Lena. You’re not there anymore, okay? You’re no longer in the bunker.”

Lena didn’t understand.

Couldn’t understand.

The bunker was everything.

Her whole life.

It kept her alive and she in turn kept it sealed and running. They were co-dependent. One could not live without the other.

Without the bunker and the routine it provided her… Lena would… Lena would…

“What routine?” The voice coaxed, raising its volume to be heard over her nonsensical muttering.

_ “Working nine til five…”  _ Milo encouraged to try and get her to reply.

“I have a routine. I need it. I need it. I need to get started. Otherwise…” Lena swallowed thickly, pressing her forehead harder against Milo’s metal one until she could hear the hum of his electronics reverberating back around her own mind in rhythm with the beats of ‘Don’t Look Back in Anger’ that he had started to play.

“What does your routine involve? What do you do?” The voice, sweet like honey and warm like a crackling fire inquired.

“I wake up at seven.” Lena began, announcing her schedule like she had it learnt by rote - which she had. 

It was a habit she had picked up whenever the urge to stay in bed and let herself just shrink up until she no longer existed was just a bit too tempting. Lena repeated her routine out loud at least five times, her panicked breathing slowly steadying with each recitation. By the sixth time she had regained a modicum of control, her thoughts were less of a jumble, she could actually think in a linear fashion rather than jumping from tangent to tangent like an indecisive bumblebee flitting between flowers. 

“Okay, we missed the seven o’clock wake up call.” The voice - _ Kara,  _ Lena’s mind supplied causing her heart to clench painfully and happily in her chest at the realisation - stated somewhat ruefully. 

Lena lifted her head away from Milo and looked up at Kara, sat on the edge of the bed, hands tucked under her thighs to keep from touching Lena without her consent, her expression kind, lines furrowing her forehead and her lips trying to tilt upwards against its obvious predisposition for frowning.

“But we can have breakfast now, if that helps? That’s next in your routine, right?” Kara asked, blue eyes so hopeful and earnest that Lena couldn’t help nodding in gentle agreement.

“Breakfast next.” Lena said, trying out the words as she lined it up with the schedule in her mind.

“Awesome, Alex said she would buy some food and leave it outside the front door.” Kara blushed with embarrassment as she confessed, “I don’t tend to keep this place very well stocked.” 

It was the blush, more than anything that helped jolt Lena fully back to this moment (not necessarily to herself). It reminded her that Kara was  _ real,  _ was really  _ here _ . Helped her remember everything from the day before… the night before. 

Lena immediately ducked her head in shame as she realised that she had probably ruined another storybook moment for Kara. Lashing out wildly after their first morning together. Lena from nine years ago on a morning like this would have turned around upon waking and nuzzled into Kara’s shoulder and neck, kissed her awake with a delicate press of lips to the blonde’s cheek, forehead… lips, if she was brave.

This Lena had destroyed that.

“Hey, what’s going on?” Kara asked, shifting from the edge of the bed onto the floor beside Lena, still leaving Lena her space. Lena just shook her head, unable to give voice to her numerous shortcomings. “Can I… can I hold your hand?”

Lena bit her lip and nodded once, shyly lifting a hand away from Milo and towards Kara who reached out for the proffered hand with the most tender of touches. 

“I’m sorry.” Lena murmured sincerely, blinking rapidly to dispel the tears burning to be unleashed as she squeezed their connected hands tightly.

“What for?” Kara questioned, brow furrowed in confusion.

“You have to ask.” Lena choked out in explanation, bowing her head in shame. “You have to ask to even… to even hold my hand and… you shouldn’t have to ask…”

“Do you prefer me asking?” Kara asked simply.

“I’d prefer it if you didn’t have to.” Lena replied honestly.

“Lena,” Kara soothed, shuffling closer on the wooden floor but keeping reasonable breathing room between them. “I am absolutely happy to ask. Ecstatic, even.” Kara insisted earnestly. “Because… asking is so much better than not being able to ask… Does that make sense?”

Lena finally lifted her head back up, looking at Kara who still appeared tired and fraught even after a decent night's sleep but who’s blue eyes were even brighter than Lena’s memory had led her to believe. “Yeah… it does...” 

Kara’s smile widened for a moment at Lena’s reply before diminishing to something hesitant and nervous. “I’m not… I’m not the same either…” Kara admitted, swallowing thickly, her gaze dropping to their joined hands, “and I… you don’t have to ask to touch me but there will be other things…” Kara trailed off, leaving them both in a silence weighed down heavily by their own demons. “Would it bother you if I needed you to ask?” Kara murmured tentatively.

“Of course not!” Lena responded immediately, shifting closer to Kara so that her knee was pressed against Kara’s thigh. “I just want you to be comfortable and happy.”

“Ditto.” Kara breathed, lifting their joined hands up gradually - her intention clear and giving Lena all the time in the world to show she was uncomfortable - and pressed a soft kiss to the back of Lena’s hand. “What else do you need?” 

Lena’s heart fluttered at the sincerity of the question and the brush of Kara’s lips against her skin, “I don’t… I don’t…”

“What else do you need, right now?” Kara clarified, tilting her head to the side encouragingly.

Lena paused, taking the time to really examine her own mind and needs before answering. “Breakfast. And… my toolbelt. I need my toolbelt in case there’s…”

“I put your toolbelt in that drawer right there.” Kara replied, kind enough not to require a reason. “Do you want me to get it?”

“Yes, please.” Lena murmured gratefully.

* * *

“What do you do?” Lena asked as Kara moved around the kitchen inspecting the cupboards and drawers like it was her first time trying to actually use anything in them.

“Huh?” Kara said, after finally locating a pan that she could use to make pancakes with the ingredients Alex had kindly brought over and left on the doorstep early that morning for them to find.

“You’re not Supergirl anymore.” Lena responded.

Kara froze suddenly, her back to Lena. “How do you know that?”

“The suit didn’t fit.” Lena answered, getting to her feet and moving round the kitchen counter until she was just behind the blonde; she carefully stepped forward, pressing her front against Kara’s back, her hands wrapping around Kara’s middle. 

She remembered how Kara had used to feel muscular with a layer of softness whenever they embraced. Strong and substantive, it always felt easy and right to lean on her. 

Kara was thinner now, the muscles lost; Lena could feel the bones at the bottom of her ribs pressing against the surface where they used to be tucked away and hidden. She was still soft, though. Still strong but… she had clearly weathered her own storms in their time apart and it had so obviously worn her down. Stripped her of her comfortable layers. It was just Kara now. Just skin and bone. Lena’s thumbs stroked against Kara’s stomach, covered by a soft t-shirt with a LU emblem Lena didn’t recognise. 

“Brainy would have fixed it, tailored it for you if you were still…” Lena leaned forward and rested her forehead between Kara’s too sharp shoulder blades. “Also your powers are weaker here and it would make sense for you to step away from the role. Does Terra Nova even need Superheroes?”

Lena rambled away, theorising and guessing at how Terra Nova may have developed, how a unified existence under a set goal could result in humanity no longer needing champions and caped crusaders. She didn’t know if Kara was listening or not, it didn’t really matter. Lena no longer really spoke expecting anyone to listen or to respond and Kara knew that. She just placed her hands over the top of Lena’s hands on her stomach, fingers automatically interlacing like they used to do years and years ago as Lena’s voice filled the soft quiet of the morning.

“I’m a scientist.” Kara whispered once Lena had fallen silent. “Or I was…”

“Was?” Lena prompted, gently freeing her hands from Kara’s so that she could encourage her to spin round.

“I’ve kind of finished my research.” Kara explained, back pressed to the counter.

“What was your field?” Lena asked even though there was a small pit in her stomach opening up - already knowing what the answer would be and yet hoping she was wrong because… because… 

It would shatter her, of that she had no doubt.

“Transmat portals.” Kara breathed, blue eyes peering deep into green.

“Oh.”

* * *

Lena cooked breakfast. It was the first thing she could do for Kara. 

It helped temper the sharp edges of the shrapnel that Kara’s revelation had left dug into her heart.

She made an excessive amount of pancakes. A stack over half the size of Kara’s torso which she absolutely smothered in syrup. If all Lena could do was nudge Kara’s side and encourage her to eat three hearty meals every day until she had regained some of the weight she had lost over the nine years, Lena would be proud of herself and just maybe, maybe she could be worth even a small amount of what Kara had done for her.

Once the food was finished, Kara took Lena round the house again, this time pointing out small faults: a creaky hinge, a constantly dripping shower head, a television remote that stopped working intermittently… 

With each small fault highlighted, Lena would inspect it, running through her gamut of maintenance skills and working to fix the problem. Kara managed to find (or create, there were a few broken things that Lena was sure hadn’t been there yesterday and Kara had suspiciously ducked out of the bathroom for a short period of time) enough small problems for Lena to fix to see her through her routine for that day. 

Tomorrow would be a new issue but Kara had called Kelly and was arranging a session with a recommended therapist, that Kelly trusted, to help Lena. 

“What does the LU stand for? Lena asked, gesturing to the emblem on Kara’s shirt, as she examined the wiring for the garage door opener, Milo’s head resting on her shoulder, green eyes illuminating the messy electronics so that the main light could be turned off and the welding glasses put momentarily aside.

Making conversation was awkward, Kara clearly nervous about asking too many questions too soon about Lena’s time in the bunker; likewise, Lena was aware that she was already overwhelmed by her new reality which massively dampened her usually limitless curiosity.

Lena figured such an innocuous question would be safe, presuming it was the icon for a new boy band or rock group that Kara had an interest in.

She realised her mistake almost immediately by how Kara didn’t reply with her usual speed - previously latching onto any and all chances for them to interact. Lena glanced up from the mess of wires in her hands to see Kara leaning against the garage wall with a heavy frown on her face.

“It stands for Lenacity University.” Kara eventually revealed, her eyes cloudy with dark thoughts.

“Lenacity University?” Lena repeated slowly, fingers flexing nervously, Milo immediately sinking down to rest his head in her lap and starting to play classical music to soothe. 

Lena was unsure if her sudden flare of discomfort and anxiety was from hearing the University’s name (and all its implications) or the darkness emanating from Kara in that moment.

She knew it was the latter, more than the former.

An unknown institution with her name slapped on it had little impact on her; but finally seeing the impact of these last nine years on Kara’s psyche in such a stark manner shook Lena to her core. 

The weight Kara had lost could be regained.

The time spent on a subject that brought little pleasure or joy to Kara’s life could be cast aside for her true passions.

Lack of sleep. Lack of a home. Lack of time for herself.

All of it could be undone or quickly reverted.

The mental and emotional impact… Lena knew better than most how that was not a quick fix; her and Kara were both scarred. And though Kara had told her that she was also nurturing her own mental wounds - and everything Lena had just listed were clear symptoms of that - it still hurt to finally  _ see  _ it.

“Yeah, it’s where I work…” Kara mumbled, ducking her head to better hide the swirl of dark emotions in her blue eyes, “well, where my lab is. Don’t know if it counts as a job if they don’t pay you. The Coalition set me up with a small lab, I didn’t teach or publish or anything…” 

Lena noted how Kara shook her head bitterly at even the slightest mention of ‘The Coalition’.

Kara huffed out a frustrated breath, hands clenching into fists at her side as she breathed in and out deep and slow to regain control of her emotions.

Lena didn’t say a word in response; words were no longer her strong suit - not that they had been years ago either. Instead, she carefully got to her feet - Milo shuffling out the way without prompt, green LED lights fixed on the dark blonde - and approached the kryptonian, shy fingers reaching out to stroke the back of one Kara’s tightened fists as tenderly as she could. It took nearly a minute, but Kara’s breathing became more natural and her hand finally unfurled, fingers brushing against Lena’s in return.

“Sorry…” Kara apologised, lifting her head to reveal embarrassed but lighter blue eyes. 

Lena nodded once in understanding as she properly took hold of Kara’s hand and squeezed it lightly, trying to non-verbally say ‘it’s okay’ and ‘you have nothing to apologise for’.

She thinks she might have been successful by the way Kara’s lips quirked upwards at the edges.

“They named it after you.” Kara commented, shifting away from whatever darkness Lena had unwittingly stumbled them into.

“Wow, a whole university.” Lena whistled exaggeratedly.

“A city, actually.” Kara corrected gently, chest puffing up with pride. “The first city. The capital.”

Lena blinked rapidly in total disbelief; a university was one thing but a city… “Why would they-”

“Lena, you’re… you’re a hero.” Kara breathed, blue eyes lighting up with earnest awe which Milo took as an invitation to start quietly crooning ‘Hero’ by Enrique Iglesias in the background. “Humanity’s greatest hero. The very least they could do was honour your name. They also built a statue,” Kara revealed, before wincing and rubbing the back of her neck awkwardly, “though I’ve never seen it… I didn’t really have time… They also made a film or, should I say, films about you. Oscar winning supposedly...”

“What?! But I-” Lena squawked indignantly, before lightly hitting Kara’s shoulder with the back of her free hand in mock rebuke. “You didn’t go check to make sure the statue was a good rendition? What if they gave me a huge nose or something? I would be forever remembered as the big-nosed hero.”

“Well, I…”

“We’ll have to go see it one day.” Lena declared decisively causing Kara’s eyes to widen in surprise. “I’m sure there’s lots of things to see on this planet.”

“Yeah, yeah… loads…” Kara assured, “though I haven’t seen much of it myself either.”

“Then we’ll get to see it for the first time together.” Lena remarked.

Kara’s mouth opened and closed repeatedly, blue eyes shining with hope and excitement, until she managed to stammer out. “Yeah… I… would love that.”

“Me too.”

* * *

“I said no!” Kara shouted furiously, lips twisting into an unfamiliar snarl, hands moving in aggressive gestures.

“Kara-” Brainy began, keeping his tone impressively neutral, something Lena knew she would not be capable of doing if on the receiving end of Kara’s intense rage.

It had been a week.

A week filled with false starts, comfortable and uncomfortable silences, gentle conversation, deep discussions, secret sharing, light touches and sleeping in each other’s arms.

It was, simply put, the best week of Lena’s life.

A week in just Kara’s company, re-learning each other in a safe environment where, for the first time in forever, they were totally free of outside influences. 

It was a beautiful bubble, and just as they were finding their feet, just as Lena was reaching for Kara more than she wasn’t, just as Kara’s default expression was more of a smile than a frown… the outside world wanted to get involved.

Brainy, accompanied by Alex for moral support, arrived just after breakfast with the news Lena had been dreading ever since she realised Kara’s heavy dislike for the Coalition.

They knew about Lena’s return.

Brainy had delayed them finding out as long as he possibly could but the planet’s Chief Scientist couldn’t lie to the leaders.

Lena’s return had been met with instant demands for her to be brought before them, for parades, for celebrations, for her to be wheeled out like some show pony. Lena had been on the verge of a panic attack, but her reaction was nothing in comparison to Kara’s.

Kara, who had been empty and hollowed out for nine years, was suddenly overflowing with emotion, her temper quick to spark and able to remain burning for far longer than anyone else’s - years of repression, being cruelly belittled and ridiculed as living in a fantasy provided more than enough fuel. 

“No! Brainy, none of them believed me. None of them! And even if they did, they wouldn’t have helped!” Kara bellowed, pacing up and down the living room floor, feet heavy and loud in sharp contrast with how softly she had stepped around Lena as they danced to Milo’s morning tunes. “They don’t get to parade her around now. She has given enough! And I swear to fucking Rao if I even see so much as one Coalition member or reporter here, I  _ will  _ fry them!”

Lena didn’t doubt Kara’s words, she still remembered the dark gleam to Kara’s eye when she had been shot in the bunker, the darkness of that singular moment was now firmly present.

“Lena, why don’t we step outside?” Alex murmured, having stood quiet and supportive next to Lena’s side throughout Kara’s furious outpouring.

Lena had almost forgotten the older Danvers had been there with how silent she had been.

The Alex of old would have inserted herself into the argument, probably would have started it without really meaning to, going on the offensive straight off the bat. Clearly, it wasn’t just Kara that had been changed by the loss of Earth and the years that had followed. Alex was far more patient, hands off, giving Kara room to grow but on hand to provide aid at the slightest invitation.

Lena wondered, though, if those more positive attributes were less side-effects of trauma and more to do with becoming a mother. She hoped it was the latter; Alex had become a dear friend in the two years leading up to Earth’s evacuation and Lena wanted to believe that Alex was shaped more by positive life events than negative ones.

Lena nodded once and followed Alex outside the front door - Milo, surprisingly choosing to stay in the house, green LED lights watching Kara with what Lena interpreted to be concern and protectiveness, something that had only ever been directed at her in the past.

“How are you doing?” Alex asked once they were outside - the front door pulled to behind them - a question that was immediately followed by an awkward wince by the redhead. “Loaded question without a simple answer…”

“I’m doing okay. As well as I can after everything…” Lena replied, trying extra hard to keep her response simple and concise, it helped to plan what she wanted to say in her head first before replying to ensure she didn’t get sidetracked or lost.

“The therapist helping?” Alex inquired gently.

“Slowly. Glacially…” Lena’s nose wrinkled in frustration before she let out a heavy sigh. “I’m adjusting… I don’t… I don’t want the publicity. I like this… just Kara and the quiet and…”

“Kara, will make sure they leave you alone.” Alex declared with a firm nod like it was an absolute certainty.

“I know… I just…” Lena huffed out a breath, wrapping her arms tightly around herself, wishing that Milo was there to try and translate her jumbled thoughts into understandable lyrics. “That’s kind of the problem, though...” Lena admitted quietly.

“What do you mean?” Alex prompted, brown eyes gently scrutinising her but no hint of judgement present.

“I…” Lena took a deep breath, biting down hard on her bottom lip as she forced herself to think through her reply to ensure she didn’t get waylaid by tangents. “Kara has to do  _ so much  _ for me and I’m not… I’m not the Lena she fell in love with.” Lena confessed, “I can’t live upto who I once was and how can… how can I be enough for her like this? After everything she’s given to me? I can barely go outside because the open sky  _ scares  _ me.” 

Even now, in this moment, Lena was barely a foot away from the front door, her gaze resolutely on the ground, her eyes hidden away behind tinted glasses. 

“I can’t look at the sun, so how can we watch the sunset?” Lena continued, her tone turning sharp with self-loathing. “I flinch at sudden contact. I flinch when  _ Kara  _ gets too close without warning.” Lena glanced over at Alex, blinking rapidly to dispel the tears, to find Alex’s expression unchanged, just as soft and understanding as before. “I talk to myself and have an emotional-support-singing-robot dog for a best friend. How can I possibly live up to her expectations?” Lena shook her head bitterly before whispering with an almost broken tone the only question she really cared about, “How can  _ I _ be enough?”

“Oh, Lena…” Alex breathed into the heavy silence that followed Lena’s question and everything it revealed. Lena couldn’t bear to look at her. “Can I hug you?” Alex requested taking Lena by such surprise that she found herself nodding without much consideration. 

Alex’s arms wrapped around her was a different experience to being hugged by Kara. A hug from Kara was a flutter of her heart, her body turning liquid with shots of electricity, the physical embodiment of curling up in front of the fire on the precipice of kissing your true love.

Alex’s hugs were solid, warm and secure. They made you feel like the world was a bit quieter and that the ground under your feet would never falter under your feet.

“You don’t know… because how can you?” Alex sighed sadly, tightening their hug for a beat as if to prepare her for her next words. “You don’t know what she was like before.” Alex revealed, and Lena didn’t need to ask  _ before what?  _ “She just…  _ existed _ .” Alex stated, adding with a voice barely above a whisper. “People called her tinman.”

“Like from the Wizard of Oz?” Lena checked, leaning back so Alex could see her raised eyebrow and confused green eyes.

“Yeah, she… it was like she did the actions but didn’t  _ feel  _ them. The most emotion I ever saw from her, over the nine years, was when she interacted with Amelia. She doesn't -  _ didn’t  _ \- smile very much. She just… she did what she needed to do to stay alive and keep herself going. And after just… a handful of days with you…” Alex’s eyes lit up and a broad smile appeared on her face causing Lena to blush with embarrassment at the sheer gratitude and joy being directed towards her from the once intimidating agent. “It's like my sister has come back. She’s smiling so brightly and I can see the life in her blue eyes that wasn’t there before. You -  _ this version of you  _ \- is a dream come true for her and I don't know how to convince you of that. She’s not gone into this blind.” Alex reassured, smile lessening but the pride in her eyes increasing in turn. “She’s been seeing a therapist for years, and she knew you wouldn’t be the same because she’s not either.” Alex quirked her head to the side thoughtfully, “Can you learn to love this version of Kara?”

Lena’s jaw dropped at the sheer absurdity of the question, her answer spilling out immediate and honest. “I already do.”

Of course she did. She could see the elements of the Kara she knew from years ago in this version and her love for those parts had not diminished. And the parts that were purely new Kara, the good: her tendency towards quiet words and soft touches; and the less positive: sharp, emotional outbursts and a lack of interest in her own needs and passions. Lena had seen it all over the last week and she loved all of it. 

Loved watching Kara re-discovering herself whilst also learning about Lena. 

Loved that she could understand what Kara was feeling due to the intensity of her outbursts (they were never directed at Lena and they were softening as Kara learned to cope with her trauma).

Lena loved this Kara, just like she would love every version of Kara - of that she had no doubt.

“Then why can’t she love this version of you?” Alex asked gently and it was only then that Lena realised she had said all of that out loud.

* * *

The Coalition were polite.

There were a couple of faces that Lena recognised from the leaders in the bunkers, most from that time after a suitable transition period had retired, exhausted by the responsibility and hardship that came with those intense two years. Those that she did know were kind and kept the more politically manipulative at bay - more for their own benefit than Lena’s, anyone that made Lena feel even slightly uncomfortable were suddenly staring down a very irate kryptonian. 

The interaction lasted barely more than half-an-hour and even that was pushing Lena to her very edge and required her to use every tool and coping method her therapist had talked her through the day prior. She was glad she did it; facing them now and showing her lack of interest in being a political chesspiece would keep them away in the future which would hopefully ease the heavy amounts of stress Kara had been under since the Coalition had made their request for an audience. 

The meeting didn’t bury whatever hatchets Kara had with the Coalition but Lena knew from being Luthor that wasn’t always possible, sometimes all you could do it minimise how much you interacted with whatever toxic person or situation caused you pain. The Coalition wanted a celebration as well as Lena and Kara doing a publicity tour. 

Kara had put her foot down, eyes burning an ominous red that had every member of the Coalition backtracking.

Lena agreed to one interview to be conducted by Nia, after that she wanted peace and if she didn’t get it, she made it very clear - channeling all her Luthor genes - that she would condemn any member of the Coalition that dared to ruin it for her and Kara to any news agency that would listen to her. That got the politicians to shut up pretty quickly - all of them more than aware that if anyone could ruin their reputation and chances of re-election, it would be humanity’s hero - and got Kara to look at her with a slightly dazed, awe-struck expression.

They returned home together, unplugged the phone line and television, and curled up in the too big bed together and slept. 

They had been doing that a lot over the last three weeks. 

They had both gone eleven years with limited rest and they were finally making up for lost time. Both able to sleep easy in each other’s arms, no world to save, no villains to vanquish... 

Just sleep, peace and each other.

* * *

“Wake up, Kara.” Lena requested, stroking Kara’s dark blonde locks off her face and gently stroking her cheek to wakefulness.

“Hmmm?” Kara sleepily chirped, snuggling into Lena’s warmth and opening her eyes barely more than a crack. “What are you doing up so early?” Kara yawned, eyes opening wide to reveal curious blue eyes as she took in the sight of Lena sitting up in bed, green eyes alert and focused, Milo waiting by the foot of the bed eagerly.

“Come with me,” Lena requested shyly, sliding out of the bed and holding out a hand for Kara to take, “bring the duvet.”

“Okay.” Kara agreed without hesitation, immediately shifting to follow Lena wherever she may lead, the duvet wrapped tightly around her shoulders.

Lena took Kara’s hand and guided her out of their bedroom, down the stairs and out the front door. It was still dark out, pre-dawn, and there was a slight chill in the air. Kara looked at Lena with a curious tilt of her head; a month into Lena’s return and they had only just really started venturing outside. Lena’s eyes - with Eliza and Alex’s support - were finally free from tinted lenses, accustomed to the natural light. Lena was also better about open spaces and the sky - still not great but good enough for her and Kara to walk down to the beach in the afternoon or to sit around the bonfire with the Superfriends, Amelia moving between Kara and Lena’s lap, torn between her old favourite aunt and her new one. 

“Sit with me.” Lena pleaded, sitting down on the large, cushioned rocking chair on the decking, gently tugging Kara to sit down beside her, who immediately wrapped the duvet around the two of them.

“What are we doing?” Kara asked, once Lena had snuggled up into her side.

“I keep comparing myself to who I was nine years ago…” Lena revealed, gaze focused on the rapidly lightening sky, “well, the version of me that you dreamed of watching the sunset with.”

Kara tensed up immediately at that; Lena didn’t need to see her face to know she was frowning and that her brow was scrunched up in concern, “Lena, I-”

“It’s been hard because I want to be that version so badly”, Lena admitted, interlacing their fingers tightly together to soften the blow of interrupting her, “and I’ve realised it was less about wanting to be that version of myself and more about wishing we hadn’t lost nine years. We just kept putting things off and off and now… we’re no longer the same.”

“I don’t care about that,” Kara rushed out to reply, earnest and fervent, squeezing their hands to get Lena to turn so that she could see the truth in Kara’s expression, “me and you  _ now  _ is what matters and-”

“I know.” Lena reassured, smiling softly up at the blonde. “But that sunset was a dream of two people from long ago. A beautiful dream but a lost one nonetheless” 

Kara’s expression turned crestfallen at Lena’s words, even as blue eyes emanated acceptance and understanding, forever willing to sacrifice to ensure Lena’s happiness and comfort. 

Lena shook her head desperate to push back against the misunderstanding they were on the precipice of. Gathering her courage she reached out a hand to cup Kara’s face, her thumb stroking Kara’s cheek dipping close to her slightly parted lips. Kara blinked in surprise at the action, the disappointment receding as Lena’s green eyes glowed with affection. 

“And I was thinking since we are different people, we need a different dream. Something free of pressure and the heavy weight of the past. Something that can be just ours. You and me, right now. And then I thought… new dream, new day…” Lena explained, watching in amusement and delight as understanding dawned in blue eyes that flickered away from Lena’s face just for a second to see the first red and yellow beams beginning to appear in the sky. “What do you think?”

“I think… perfect. Just perfect.” Kara breathed out, swallowing thickly, blue eyes shining with wonder.

_ “It’s a new dawn, it’s a new day, it’s a new life for me…”  _ Milo began to play from his position curled up at their feet, ever the little helpful matchmaker for his best friend.

Kara chuckled at the sudden music, eyes shifting joyfully between Lena and the rapidly rising sun. “Anything else that goes with this new dream?”

“Yeah…” Lena whispered, her hand on Kara’s cheek gently guiding the kryptonian’s face down to hers until their lips were mere millimeters apart, “this…”

Kissing Kara was not even remotely like what Lena had imagined it would be. 

It was not shy and slightly awkward like she had imagined it would be when she had first started to get to know the eager new CatCo reporter.

It was not sweet and tentative like she had imagined kissing her best friend would be.

It was not charged and rage-fuelled like she imagined it would be when her and Kara were at their most fraught.

It was not rushed and heated like she imagined it would have to be in the bunker.

The truth is Lena could never have imagined an accurate first kiss because she had no point of reference.

She had never been kissed by someone who truly loved her and had never kissed someone who she truly loved in return.

Trying to imagine her first kiss with Kara was like trying to imagine an entirely new colour.

Impossible.

Kissing Kara was all-consuming, was everything Lena could ever ask for and more.

Kara kissed her like she wanted to memorise her, wanted to learn every inch of her. Her kisses were tender yet passionate. Quick yet deeply exploratory. Gentle yet firm.

Kara let Lena set the pace and decide the next step like she had with everything since saving her. Lena was the one that prompted Kara to part her lips with a swipe of her tongue. Lena was the one that lifted their joined hands and placed Kara’s hand underneath her sleep shirt, encouraging Kara to explore with a nudge of her hand before letting go. 

Lena set the pace but, dear God, did Kara take the lead once given permission to do so. 

Lena was panting heavy and desperate into Kara’s mouth, furiously wishing to have control of her breath again so that she could welcome Kara’s tongue back into her mouth. At the same time, she had shifted so that she was fully straddling Kara’s lap, her body repeatedly twisting this way and that in an attempt to maximise contact between her burning skin and Kara’s palms as they traced up her sides and brushed by her breasts far too fleetingly. 

“Was that okay? Not too much-” Kara asked, equally short of breath, blue eyes blown wide and dark blonde hair a mess from Lena’s fingers repeatedly curling through it. 

“No, not too much.” Lena assured, resting her forehead against Kara’s, their breaths intermingling as the warmth of the sunrise heated up her back. “Not too much even slightly.”

“Oh… good.” Kara muttered absentmindedly, her hands kneading at Lena’s back as her lips brushed against Lena’s with every exhale.

“Kiss me again.” Lena demanded, not giving a damn that the sunrise was at its pinnacle, there would be other sunrises, more than enough, but - in Lena’s opinion - there would never be enough kisses with Kara. “Wait.” Lena requested just as Kara was about to suck on her bottom lip and make her mind go blissfully blank. Kara pulled back instantly, blue eyes shaking off their arousal to ensure Lena had her full attention. With shaky fingers, Lena caressed Kara’s face, taking note of how it had changed over the nine years but her love for it and the women it had belonged to had not. 

Nine years, eleven years, fifteen years when Lena really got down to it… was far too long to wait to say three simple words. 

“I love you, Kara.” Lena declared; the way Kara’s blue eyes shone with those three words made the sunrise on every planet in the universe pale in comparison.

“I love you too.” Kara replied instantly as if she had had those words primed for years, ready on the tip of her tongue for when the occasion arrived.

The smiles on the two women were so bright and broad that the kiss that followed was just grins pressed tight against one another, no room for proper kissing. 

Lena wouldn’t have had it any other way.


	4. Chapter 4

“I’m sorry, I…” Kara breathed out through clenched teeth, shifting quickly away from Lena’s warm touch and welcoming softness. Her legs moving to hang off the edge of the bed on the side that was barely used, fingers curling into white knuckled fists on top of her bare thighs as she forced out harsh breaths of frustration.

“Kara, it’s okay.” Lena soothed, following carefully after her, arms wrapping gently round her waist in a way that wasn’t constricting. “Shhh… it’s okay.” Lena murmured, her breath enticing against Kara’s neck.

“It’s not!” Kara rebuked, shrugging out of Lena’s comforting embrace before shooting to her feet, snatching up the jeans that she had discarded so excitedly only mere minutes ago. “I should… I want  _ this _ with  _ you _ .” Kara explained, tears of fury stinging at the corner of her eyes as she stepped back into her trousers with sharp, jerky movements, tucking her t-shirt in as if to fully seal away her body. “I want it so much and for once, there is nothing stopping us, nothing getting in the way…” Kara heaved out a deep breath, blinking rapidly, eyes towards the ceiling away from the undressed goddess laid out in front of her that she wanted  _ so  _ badly that her heart  _ ached _ , “but  _ me _ …”

“Kara,” Lena murmured, green eyes bright with understanding and affection, pale hand reaching out for Kara’s, their fingers brushing against each other, “we have time, there’s no rush-”

“We always say that, Lena!” Kara snapped, stepping out of Lena’s reach. 

She didn’t know where her anger was coming from, why it was only now boiling to a head after years of being poked and prodded. Why it was coming out when she finally had everything she had ever wanted; when she no longer had any  _ reason  _ to simmer and stew. 

“We said it so much before. ‘Not now’, ‘soon’, ‘later’, ‘we’ll have time after’...” Kara ranted, hands gesticulating wildly as Lena listened attentively, not shying away from Kara’s intensity even a little bit, “and all we ended up doing was wasting time until we had none left! I don’t want that to happen again! I don’t want to delay, I don’t want to miss out… I don’t…” Kara’s throat clenched and suddenly it was like all the energy and ferocity was sapped out of her. Kara bowed her head, exhaling shakily as she confessed barely audible, “I don’t want to waste any more time.”

“Kara…” Lena tried to coax, getting to her feet whilst keeping the bed sheet wrapped around her bare form.

“I need…” Kara huffed, grabbing her jacket off the back of the bedroom door, and turning her back to the woman she loved. “I’m going for a walk.”

“Take Milo with you.” Lena requested, voice stern for the first time since Kara had flinched away from Lena’s exploratory touch.

“Lena, I don’t-” Kara began, shaking her head.

“Take Milo with you, for me, please.” Lena insisted.

“Okay.” Kara relented, opening the door and stepping out into the corridor to find Milo already with a leash in his mechanical jaw and playing The Proclaimers (which had become Milo’s favourite tune by a country mile).

* * *

Kara and Milo walked for at least two hours, by the end she was unbelievably grateful for Lena’s insistence that she take Milo - the robot dog was endlessly happy and curious, practically puppy-like which made it near impossible to hang too tightly onto whatever negative thoughts were weighing heavily on her. By the time she returned to the house it was past midnight and Milo was no longer keeping as tightly to her side as he had done when they had left.

Half of her hoped that Lena had stayed in bed and fallen asleep (it had been over a month since Lena had been saved from the bunker and she was starting to get better at sleeping on her own). The other half of her knew that Lena wouldn’t go to sleep until Kara was home safe and sound.

Kara stepped through the front door, locking it behind herself as Milo padded confidently into the lit up living room where Lena was inevitably waiting for her. Gathering her courage, Kara timidly stepped through the doorway, guilty blue eyes landing on Lena lying on the sofa, patting Milo’s metal head in greeting. She had gotten changed into the comfy pyjamas Kara had bought her a week ago, the fluffy blanket off the end of their bed wrapped around her and one of the books Nia had suggested to her, open on the coffee tablet. Kara swallowed thickly at the sight, the sheer cosiness that managed to shine the brightest of lights into the darkest corners of her heart.

"It wasn't wasted." Lena commented lightly, her gaze still firmly on her robot companion.

"What?" Kara croaked, her voice rough and raw from the emotion expended earlier and the cold night air from her extended walk.

Lena looked up, soft green eyes meeting despondent blue. "You said we wasted so much time before and that you're wasting it again now.” Lena clarified, shifting upright and patting the now empty and available space next to her. Kara traipsed over to the space and fell awkwardly into the gap, not feeling worthy of Lena’s closeness. “It wasn't wasted then and it's not wasted now." Lena revealed once Kara was settled by her side.

"Lena-" Kara mumbled, eyes slipping closed in anguish.

Lena cleared her throat, her next words clear and genuinely curious as she asked, "Are you happy spending time with me?"

Kara’s eyes snapped open, her head jerking round to face Lena, jaw dropping in shock at the sheer absurdity of the question. "Of course-"

"Does it matter if we are making out or simply sitting quietly curled up together?" Lena inquired, not letting Kara say more than was necessary. 

Kara deflated instantly as understanding dawned. 

"You know it doesn't matter what we do." Kara murmured honestly, reaching out for Lena’s hand and intertwining their fingers.

"Exactly.” Lena said, smiling fondly, taking Kara’s initiation of physical contact as a positive sign and inching closer so that their sides were pressed together before she rested her head on Kara’s shoulder. “Any time I spend with you is never wasted.” Lena promised. “I wouldn't change a single second of our time together now or then."

"But-" Kara started, biting her bottom lip anxiously.

"I knew you loved me then,” Lena confided, “and I know you love me now. It didn't matter that we hadn't said it. I knew and you knew. Any time I spent with you, I knew I was spending it with someone I love. It was never wasted. If this…" Lena lifted their joined hands and pressed a sweet kiss to the back of Kara’s hand causing Kara’s breath to stutter, "is all we ever have, our time together would be just as precious."

"Time with you is never wasted." Kara declared, letting go of Lena’s hand so she could wrap an arm around Lena’s waist and turned her head to place a kiss on Lena’s forehead. "I love you, Lena."

"And I you." 

* * *

“I don’t look the way I used to.” Kara admitted.

It was a couple of weeks later; Kara had been trying out the ‘simply be happy together as they are’ mindset that Lena had encouraged and was already seeing improvements in her temperament. Her bursts of anger had seen a significant reduction in frequency and she was far less likely to get lost in spiraling thoughts instead just enjoying Lena’s company for what it was. Precious time spent in the company of the love of her life.

They were curled up in bed, Lena steadily making her way through the small mountain of books the Superfriends had given her as recommendations. She was currently reading through a plethora of medical crime novels that Eliza had recommended - Lena had taken to texting her theories on who was responsible as she read which Eliza delighted in.

Kara had been listening to a podcast; trying out different interests as she re-discovered herself after nine years of dedicating herself to a subject that wouldn’t have previously held her attention. She had glanced over at Lena, sipping tea between flipping pages and her breath had just caught in her throat, her heart swelling with love at the sight and the truth slipped out without forethought.

“Neither do I.” Lena replied seriously, placing her mug of tea onto the side table, alongside her book before turning around to give Kara her full attention.

“I…” Kara swallowed thickly, fingers fidgeting with the edge of the duvet not quite able to meet Lena’s piercing green eyes that she could never deceive again. “I used to have abs. Really good abs and now…” Kara grimaced, hands falling protectively over her stomach that had lost its definition and had only just started to regain its shape with Lena’s routine of three decent meals a day. 

Kara tried not to think too deeply about how they had switched roles since the inception of their friendship.

“I know you liked my body back then…” Kara mumbled, cringing uncomfortably.

“I really like your body now.” Lena said soft and earnest.

“It’s not the same now.” Kara reminded her.

“We’re not the same either.” Lena pointed out, shuffling closer to the blonde and holding out a hand for Kara to take if she wished.

Kara didn’t hesitate to hold Lena’s hand; huffing out an embarrassed breath, “I’m being silly, aren’t I?”

“No, Kara.” Lena reassured, using her free hand to tuck a loose lock of blonde hair behind Kara’s ear. “It’s your body. How you feel about it matters. But if it counts for anything…” Lena leaned forward, breath hot and humid against Kara’s ear as she whispered seductively, “I like your body.  _ Really like it _ .”

“Yeah?” Kara squeaked.

“Mmhmmm…”

“Even without abs?” Kara checked, insecurity creeping into her voice.

Lena pulled away and squeezed Kara’s hand, gently encouraging blue eyes to meet affectionate green. “Do you know why I always used to fall asleep with my hand on your stomach?”

“Because you… uh… liked my abs.” Kara guessed with a crooked smile.

Lena sighed and shook her head, fingertip reaching out to trace the edges of Kara’s fraudulent smile. “It was the only place that I could touch which was still somewhat in the realm of ‘friendly’ and feel your heartbeat.” Lena confessed, expression sad and a little lost.

“Oh....” Kara breathed.

“Now...” Lena muttered hopefully, hand dropping so  _ slowly  _ towards the centre of Kara’s chest watching attentively for even the slightest sign that Kara was uncomfortable. “I can put my hand a little higher.”

“You can put your hand wherever you like.” Kara replied instantly, her own hand coming up to cover Lena’s pressing it a little harder against her chest so that Lena could feel her heart beating for her.

“Really?” Lena inquired, eyebrow arching with interest as her lips curled into a smirk.

“Yeah… really…” Kara said breathlessly, bending her head forward so their lips were close to touching. “Can we try again?”

“Kara, you don’t-” Lena began, ready to repeat her endless reassurances that Kara didn’t have to.

“I want to…” Kara declared, beginning to press a line of kisses across Lena’s jaw, that had Lena tilting her head to the side, opening the smooth expanse of her neck up for Kara to explore, “and I won’t feel bad about stopping if I need to because…” Kara sucked at the spot under Lena’s jaw that always made the raven-head let out a high-pitched gasp and dig her fingernails into Kara’s back. “I really enjoy the process of working up to it…”

“Me too.” Lena replied just as Kara gently lowered Lena down onto the bedding, straddling her lap and reaching for the hem of her pyjama shirt.

Dark green eyes, shining with arousal and love up at her gave Kara the confidence she needed to pull her shirt over her head and give all of herself, as she is, to the woman she had waited for and would always wait for.

* * *

“Ready to go?” Kara checked needlessly, as Lena hefted the backpack on and stepped out of their bedroom, a bright smile lighting up her face in answer.

“Ready.” Lena confirmed, pressing a quick kiss to the corner of Kara’s mouth before tugging her down the stairs to say their farewells to the Superfriends.

It had been three glorious months since their sunrise. 

Three months of kisses, wandering hands and soft declarations of love.

Three months of them learning how they fit together whilst also trying to figure out who they were as individuals after all the trauma they had been through. 

It had not been smooth-sailing by any stretch of the imagination. 

Lena withdrew more than Kara would like, still not used to human interaction, and Kara’s simmering rage and resentment at the human race still ran hot, easily activating whenever Lena stumbled accidentally upon a sore memory. However, with every mis-step they learned more about one another, fell a little bit more in love and felt a little bit more secure in their relationship.

The decision to travel was one they had made early on. Their lives had never been fully under their own control, beholden to others for as long as either could remember. Kara spent much of her early life hidden away, unable to do anything that might hint at her alien origins, and then on the cusp of full independence she accepted the responsibility of protecting an entire city which effectively kept her locked to one location. Lena, meanwhile, had gone from having decisions dictated to her by the Luthors to sinking all of her time and effort into single handedly saving her family's company and reputation.

Now they had time, freedom, each other and a whole planet to explore.

They waited, though, to give them both time to feel more confident in their mental states, to craft a plan and for Lena to reconnect with the Superfriends before disappearing off.

“Here let me take that.” Alex said, reaching for Lena’s backpack and shifting it over her shoulder as soon as the couple had descended the stairs. “I’ll put it in the car for you.” 

“Thanks, Alex.” Lena replied, stepping forward to pull Alex into a quick hug that had the older Danvers tearing up. 

Lena was still getting used to physical contact and a hug from her was extremely precious, the only exceptions being Kara and Amelia - the little girl had blinked up at Lena with big brown eyes just once and Lena was immediately wrapped around her finger, much like Kara.

Kara watched the interaction between her sister and the love of her life, her heart growing warm with fondness and pride - still not quite able to believe that this was her life now. 

Alex headed outside as Kara and Lena said their goodbyes to the others.

“Go talk to your sister.” Lena urged with a passing whisper into Kara’s ear, after a minute had passed and Alex had yet to return. The obvious concern in Lena's green eyes - a prime example of Lena’s slowly returning emotional astuteness - made Kara heed the suggestion far more than the gentle push towards the door. 

Kara found Alex lingering by the loaded up jeep (a recent purchase once Lena had made Kara realise that flying would not be suitable transportation for a household that didn't include just herself anymore).

“Everything okay?” Kara asked, approaching her sister who was staring up at Kara's home with an odd expression on her face.

“I didn’t believe you, either.” Alex admitted after a long silence.

“I know.” Kara replied simply, she had no anger towards her friends or family about the nine years. They may not have believed her but they never asked her to give up, never made her feel like the butt of jokes, never let her feel anything other than loved and supported in whatever way they could.

“I just…” Alex exhaled sharply, wiping furiously at her eyes in an attempt to get rid of the already falling tears, “I’m just  _ so sorry…” _

“Alex…” Kara breathed out soothingly, striding forward and wrapping her arms tightly around her sister who immediately began to sob.

“I didn’t believe you and… she was waiting in that fucking bunker and I… left her there and gave up on her.” Alex cried so hard that all Kara could do was stroke her back and murmur affirmations of love and forgiveness. “I just wanted you to be happy and I wasn’t what you needed… she was and I… remember wishing so hard that you would just  _ give up  _ and  _ move on. _ ”

Kara went still at that but forced herself to keep breathing; to remember how her sister had been there for all of her experiments, offering encouragement, keeping her going and insisting she looked after herself. 

If it wasn’t for Alex, she questions whether she would have been strong enough to save Lena in the first place and knows, without a doubt, that even if she had found Lena, she wouldn’t have been half as good a support as she had been without Alex encouraging her to take time for herself. 

“Because I just didn’t… I didn’t believe and I didn’t want you to chase ghosts.” Alex continued, burying her face deeper into Kara’s shoulder. “But she was  _ there _ , the whole time.” 

“I know, Alex, I know.” Kara murmured understandingly because even though Kara hadn’t given up, had been the only one fighting to save Lena, she would never forgive herself for taking so long to save her. 

She carried that guilt, nine years worth of it on her shoulders just like Alex and the other Superfriends did as well. Nia had told Kara a couple of months ago how Brainy had broken down the day after saving Lena, how he had smashed up mirrors unable to face his own reflection. 

They were all carrying their demons in some way or another.

"I'm happy now, so happy." Kara murmured to her sister, soft and earnest.

"But if-" Alex began only to be cut off almost immediately.

"No, Alex. No 'if's." Kara reprimanded firmly, leaning back so Alex could see the seriousness of her expression. "It’s happened, it's over, all we can do now is make the most of it. And right now… I am so unbelievably happy. You want to take responsibility for me being sad in the past, fine - I could tell you everyday how you were the only thing keeping me together and you won't believe me. Take responsibility for the past but also take responsibility for the present. I am happy, Alex. And you, Kelly and Amelia are a large part of that. Take credit for the good things too, okay?"

"Okay.” Alex exhaled shakily, eyes slipping shut as she considered what Kara had told her. “I love you."

"I love you, too." Kara replied immediate and certain

Alex pulled Kara back for another hug, "Call me when you get to the hotel."

"Will do." Kara assured; she knew that Alex needed time to consider what she had said and talk it through with Kelly before she could see it for the truth it was but Kara had faith she would in the end.

* * *

They went hiking first, the largest mountain range on the planet which provided sweeping vistas for those that climbed them was only a four day car journey away. They packed tents and sleeping bags, enough food for at least a week - Kara carried most of it, as well as Milo whenever they reached a particularly steep part; the robot dog having only ever been designed to traverse the bunker staircases and flat corridors.

Laying together in their small tent, wrapped tightly around one another, watching the night sky as Kara told tale after tale about Krypton and its history was a dream come true. A dream Kara had never really considered for herself as it was so far beyond the realm of possibility for so long. She had dreamed of seeing Lena again, but beyond that… what would follow  _ after…  _ she had never really thought about it. She was thankful she hadn’t because no image could have lived upto the reality. 

Walking hand in hand as Milo played The Proclaimers on endless repeat, Kara snapping photos at every opportunity because one of her biggest regrets was not having pictures of Lena to look over during their nine year separation. 

After a couple of weeks hiking, they rented out a cabin by a lake, reading books on the pier and swimming in the afternoon sun. Alex, Kelly and Amelia joined them after the first week. Lena, Kara, Milo and Amelia regularly spending hours chasing each other through the forest as Alex and Kelly sipped wine on the deck.

Next they went skiing, Kara was particularly uncoordinated - not that she was complaining because it kept Lena close and often led to them falling into a heap with high-pitched giggles into the snow. Evenings there were spent in saunas and jacuzzis, complete with wandering fingers.

Once they had gotten bored of the snow-peaked mountains, they went on a whistle stop tour of Terra Nova’s cities, finally taking the time to learn their new home’s slowly developing history. 

To finish off their six months of travel, they ended on a tropical black sand beach where they were joined by Nia and Brainy celebrating their six year anniversary.

* * *

“What do you want to do now?” Kara asked as her breath returned steadily to normal.

“Probably shower…” Lena commented as she kissed her way up Kara’s torso, her mouth shiny and eyes bright.

“No… I…” Kara inhaled slowly, her heart rate returning to a steady rhythm as Lena cuddled upto her bare side, pressing light, teasing kisses under Kara’s jaw. “I meant… long-term… now that we’re home.” Kara explained, turning onto her side so that she could better see Lena’s expression. “For work… if you want to work that is.” Kara hurriedly clarified when Lena arched an imperious eyebrow at her. “Obviously, you don’t have to work, we have more than enough money between your wealth and my transmatter portal patent… it’s just... I know you like to keep busy and we’ve been back for over a week and I don’t… I don’t want… I don’t want you to get bored.”

Kara finally bit down on her tongue in an attempt to stem the flow of her ramble - a behaviour that had been returning more and more in Lena’s presence and her flustering actions.

“You really need to work on your pillowtalk…” Lena commented alongside a dry chuckle and amused smirk. “Honestly…” Lena huffed, shifting to lie on her back and stare forlornly up at the ceiling of their bedroom, “I don’t know. My life has always been dictated to me, my purpose determined by the needs of others.”

“You get to choose for yourself now…” Kara reminded her softly, reaching out to stroke her fingers through raven hair.

“So do you.” Lena shot back, turning her knowing gaze back onto the blonde.

“I know.”

“I think we’re both suffering from the same thing.” Lena said after a minute or so of reflective silence.

“And what’s that?” Kara inquired curiously.

“The burden of choice and freedom.” Lena declared.

Kara’s brow furrowed at the answer. “Is it really a burden?”

“It can be.” Lena whispered, her tone turning towards melancholy, “A really heavy one… especially for those that have never experienced it before.” 

“It can also be a gift.” Kara murmured, blue eyes becoming beseeching as she looked over Lena’s profile.

Green eyes flickered over Kara’s features, searching intently for something… Kara hoped whatever it was, it was easy to find. After a few beats that felt like an eternity, Lena’s hardened expression softened at the edges, long pale fingers stretching out to cup Kara’s cheek.

“Yes, it can.” Lena declared, lifting her head from the pillow to press a lingering kiss to Kara’s lips. “You should know even if I knew how to choose from a young age, if I had freedom at all stages of my life… I would still choose you.”

Kara beamed at the response, a smile stretching easily and comfortably across her face as the muscles had grown accustomed to the movement.

“So…” Lena muttered, shifting to sit up, immediately causing Kara to pout. “Let’s make a list.”

“A list?” Kara repeated in confusion.

“Well, two lists. One for me and one for you.” Lena explained, stretching over to the side table and pulling forth a notepad and pen she kept in the drawer. “Of things we want to do for a living.”

* * *

Lena started to work in Brainy’s lab on a few odd projects part time, it kept her busy but she was never given anything critical so that she could feel guilt free about leaving on time. 

Kara, meanwhile, was offered a teaching position at Lenacity University - her research had made her a renowned expert and there were endless demands for her to share her knowledge. She took on a couple of lectures a week, Lena insisting she take Milo with her for support as she tested it out. After a few weeks, Kara had to admit, she rather enjoyed it. It was helping her regain her trust in society and people outside of her close friends and family; seeing earnest young people with a burning desire to learn and make the world a better place - all of them young Lena Luthors in the making. 

Kara also returned to writing, firstly just diaries at the suggestion of her therapist to help her examine her emotions and internal thought processes to better control her mood swings. Then she began writing about Krypton, it’s history and culture. 

“Kara, can we talk?” Brainy inquired, approaching her nervously just outside the labs whilst Kara waited for Lena to finish up so they could head back home together as was their routine.

“Sure, what’s up?”

“It’s about… um… Milo.” Brainy murmured, his mouth twisting with concern.

“Milo.” Kara repeated, confusion furrowing her brow, glancing down worriedly at the robot dog by her feet who was looking up at her with obvious uncertainty in the tilt of his head. “Is something wrong with him?” Kara prompted, placing a comforting hand on Milo’s head, her own throat tightening up with fear having become so attached to Lena’s metal companion.

“No, nothing like that…” Brainy rushed to reassure; Kara instantly let out a sigh of relief. “It's just… do you know what he is?” Brainy inquired, his voice dropping to a conspiratorial whisper.

Kara’s eyebrows shot up in surprise at the unexpected question, “A robot dog?”

“An AI robot dog.” Brainy replied, eyes wide to stress the point.

“Okay… and?” Kara said slowly, glancing down to share a bemused look with Milo, who merely beat his metal tail against the floor, simply happy to have Kara’s attention.

“Kara… he’s an AI.” Brainy said softly, eyes pleading for Kara to understand.

“So? I’m not really following here.”

“I mean a real AI!” Brainy exclaimed, before shushing himself and looking over his shoulder to check they were still alone in the corridor. “As in he has a consciousness. He’s not a computer designed to act like a dog. He’s a computer that genuinely believes he’s a dog.” Brainy shook his head, letting out a heavy sigh, “I thought I was imagining it; that you and Lena were merely displaying humanity’s bizarre ability to become attached to anything they can throw a personality on - like people who become overly attached to roombas.” Kara pouted at that but didn’t deny it, she still thought affectionately of Walt the Roomba from her apartment. “But… he thinks and learns and has preferences.”

“You’re mistaken.” Kara rolled her eyes, “He’s just a dog. Lena’s dog. Our dog.”

“He’s a massive breakthrough in human technology.” Brainy said, his expression serious and tinged with sadness that merely stressed to Kara how honest he was being. “This technology... I... didn’t believe humanity was capable of it for at least another millenia. He is a revolution. He changes  _ everything _ … Lena has pulled off the seemingly impossible.”

Kara turned away from the Chief Scientist, bending down so that she could stoke Milo’s side and scratch under his chin. “And what would the Coalition want with this revolution?” Kara asked, her voice cold and hard. “With Lena?”

“Kara-”

“This stays silent.” Kara growled through clenched teeth, glancing up at Brainy with burning eyes as she kept her hand’s movements gentle. “He is a robot dog that Lena made for companionship, nothing more. Okay?”

“I understand.” Brainy replied solemnly and earnest.

“He’s Lena’s dog, that’s it.” Kara repeated, pressing a kiss to the crown of Milo's head.

“Kara, I won’t say a word.” Brainy declared.

“Thank you.”

* * *

“Brainy told you.” Lena stated, later that night as they were curled up on the sofa after dinner. Kara’s head snapped round to find Lena’s gaze fixed on the book she was reading, looking casual and unconcerned as she intermittently sipped her wine. “What Milo is?” Lena clarified.

Kara had been watching some random new sitcom, poking fun at Terra Nova pop culture, her arm across the back of the sofa intermittently brushing through Lena’s loose dark hair whilst Lena was sat with her back to the arm of the sofa, legs stretched out into Kara’s lap. It was their routine set-up for most evenings. 

Kara muted the television, making the sound of her shaky inhale audible, “Yeah, yeah he did.”

“Thank you.” Lena murmured soft and sincere.

“For what?” Kara asked, hands kneading Lena’s calves.

“I know you would have made sure Milo stays with me.” Lena explained, finally looking up from her book so that Kara could see the shining gratitude in her green eyes.

“Of course.” Kara declared; as if it was ever in any doubt. She would never let anything separate them again and she would never let anyone take Milo, who was beyond precious to Lena and her.

“I love you, so much.” Lena whispered, shifting forward to give Kara a soft kiss before leaning back, “Ask what you really want to know.”

“I…” Kara blinked in surprise, though she realised a second later that she shouldn’t be, Lena knew her (this older slightly more wounded version of her better than most). Kara swallowed thickly and asked the question she really wanted to, the one that had been weighing heavily on her since her conversation with Brainy, “If you could make Milo… why didn’t you make…”

“A human companion?” Lena finished for her when Kara struggled to find the right words.

“Yeah…” Kara breathed, hands squeezing Lena’s legs a little tighter, just wanting to be closer to her in every way possible.

“Because…” Lena looked away, her jaw clenching and her body trembled minutely as she confronted dark thoughts from her time in the bunker. “I thought… Milo would be easier to leave than a human AI.”

Indescribable fear and heartache consumed Kara at the implications of the admission. “Leave?” She whispered brokenly.

“There was a  _ knocking  _ sound in the bunker.” Lena revealed, her gaze far off and disconnected in a way it hadn’t been for nearly six months. 

Oh, Kara knew that knocking was a problem for Lena, though she had never found out why.

There was a reason a week after Lena’s return that Kara installed a doorbell and made it clear to everyone who could potentially visit that the doorbell was to be used exclusively. The panic attacks that had followed Alex and then Nia knocking on the door had been horrific; Kara had never wanted Lena to go through that ever again. The cause of them was made clear by Milo’s repeated and panicked renditions of ‘Knockin on Heaven’s Door’.

“I would sometimes convince myself it was you on the other side of the blast doors… Thankfully, Milo kept me going. I got very attached and I couldn’t leave him. He saved me, kept me strong until you…” Finally green eyes returned to themselves and sought out heartbroken blue, “until you arrived.” Lena reached out to cup Kara’s face tenderly.

“Lena…”

Lena shook her head and Kara could tell she didn’t want to talk about it anymore tonight; she would one day, of that Kara had no doubt. 

“Just kiss me.” Lena requested, moving to straddle Kara’s lap and wrap her arms tightly around her shoulders.

“Always.” Kara promised before kissing Lena with everything she was.

* * *

It had, simply put, been the best year of Kara’s life. Reunited with Lena and finally getting to experience the love they shared for one another with no barriers or crises. It was the start of summer and they were hosting a barbeque for all their friends and family. Kara had taken full responsibility for the grill, delighted to watch Lena play silly games with Amelia, laughing with more joy than Kara had ever heard before. 

Once all the food was served and everyone settled around the bonfire, Kara and Lena cuddled up on a camping chair watching Amelia fall asleep cradled between Kelly and Alex.

“Do you…” Kara began tentatively, eyes moving furtively between Amelia and Lena.

“Do I…” Lena encouraged with knowing green eyes and a warm smile.

“Do you want that?” Kara murmured, cheeks turning a light pink.

“Want what?” Lena replied coyly, eyes sparkling with mischief as she brushed a lock of dark blonde hair behind Kara’s ear.

Kara cleared her throat and gathered her courage, coughing out, “Marriage... Kids.”

“Yes.” Lena answered simply.

“Yes?” 

“Yes.” Lena repeated, quirking an amused eyebrow as she tapped her chin thoughtfully, “I remember a certain conversation about blue-eyed devils… I was under the impression that we had already picked out the names.”

“Oh…” Kara squeaked dumbly.

“Oh? Is that something you still want?”

“Yes.” Kara replied lightning fast, on the verge of shooting to her feet as if to get started on both.

“Then we’re on the same page.” Lena reassured with a happy, light chuckle.

“Yeah…” Kara beamed, heart singing in her chest, blue eyes dazzling. “Wait… Are we now…” Kara winced, “you know… engaged? Because… because… Alex is going to tease me to no end if this is our story…”

Lena giggled, snuggling into Kara’s side, and placing a teasing kiss under her jaw, “You can have a do over. Just don’t keep me waiting too long.”

“I won’t.” Kara assured, already planning the proposal for the very next day.


	5. Chapter 5

“You’re hovering.” Lena pointed out, without bothering to look up from the circuit board she was fiddling with, Milo letting out a grunt of agreement in his spot at Lena’s feet.

“I know… I just…”, Kara sighed heavily, running her fingers through her hair - it was longer now, grown past her shoulders and starting to regain their once familiar loose curls. 

“Sit down next to me.” Lena requested, flashing Kara a welcoming smile as she pushed out the stool next to her.

Kara didn’t hesitate to occupy the seat beside her wife, fingers fidgeting in her lap as her gaze flickered over Lena almost constantly. She had been on high alert from the second Lena’s pregnancy had been confirmed, her anxiety increasing with the weeks. 

Lena was high risk due to her age and the unknown effects of carrying not one but two half kryptonian babies. Alex had fitted Lena with a monitor and was performing weekly check-ups - partly to check everything was progressing as it should and partly to soothe Kara’s fears.

“I’m sorry.” Kara apologised for what must have been the thousandth time; she was terrified of becoming overbearing and suffocating but after so much loss and the awareness that life can be incredibly cruel; fear had become her constant companion. 

“Enough of that.” Lena tsked, shooting Kara a reprimanding glare, “If I ever have a problem, you know I’ll tell you. Have I complained?” 

“No.”

“Then you don’t need to apologise. I understand, Kara.” Lena reassured, reaching out with her hand not occupied with a soldering iron to rest atop Kara’s fidgeting ones, gently ceasing their movements.

“You shouldn’t have to understand, I should be able to handle it better…” Kara explained, shaking her head despondently.

“If I asked for space, would you give it to me?” Lena questioned raising a curious eyebrow, setting the iron to one side and turning fully to face the blonde.

“Of course-” Kara rushed to reassure.

“Have I asked for space?” Lena interrupted.

“No…” Kara said slowly.

“Kara, you are taking every possible step to work on your issues and I love that about you…” Lena murmured, leaning forward as much as her protruding belly would allow, huffing out a disappointed breath when it prevented her from resting her forehead against Kara’s.

Kara didn’t hesitate to bridge the remaining space between them.

“I don’t like to be without you either.” Lena admitted once they were pressed close together and Kara’s heart clenched at the revelation.

“They won’t have to go through what we did.” Kara affirmed, cutting straight to the heart of their fears, hands instinctively reaching out for either side of Lena's protruding belly, holding their two children as tenderly as she could.

“Promise?” Lena pleaded, eyes slipping closed to push back against her tears.

“Promise. They’ll never be alone.” Kara swore.

“Not like we were.” Lena declared, hands moving to cover Kara’s.

“Exactly.” Kara breathed, before tilting her head to leave the softest of kisses on Lena’s lips.

* * *

Kara proposed on the porch of their house, Milo providing a gentle serenade with the setting sun as the backdrop after a day spent curled up in each other’s arms recovering from the barbecue the day previous. 

Kara had bought the ring years ago on a whim. It had caught her eye whilst she was buying christmas presents for the Superfriends. It was a platinum twisted band set with emeralds, simple and elegant but the colour of the emeralds was the closest match she had ever seen to Lena’s eyes. She bought it more because of that than in the hope of some nebulous event in the future where she saw herself down on one knee.

She had a whole speech planned.

She was going to tell Lena about the depth of her love, how it was endless and eternal. She was going to tell Lena that she would have waited forever for her, until every star had dimmed and all the planets in the universe had stopped rotating. She was going to tell Lena about how she wouldn’t trade a minute with Lena for all the treasures in existence. She was going to tell Lena about the life she wanted with her, filled with love and affection. She was going to tell Lena about how she would do everything she could to ensure Lena never felt alone or unloved ever again.

She wanted to say  _ so  _ much.

But in the end she only managed one word. Lena assured her later, when they were naked and curled up tightly against one another after their extended celebrations that it conveyed everything Kara wanted to.

“Lena…” Kara whispered as she knelt down, her voice cracking between the two syllables of her favourite word, blue eyes already leaking tears that slipped down her cheeks as she held up in shaky hands the precious ring that she used to stare at and try desperately to rein in her fantasies when there seemed to be no hope.

“Yes.” Lena replied with a laugh far brighter than the sun warming Kara’s back, before dropping to her knees and kissing Kara, arms tightly wrapped around her neck and their bodies pressed as close as they possibly could. 

Lena stole Kara’s breath away with a twist of her tongue before moving to kiss away the tears rolling down Kara’s cheeks; each press of her lips followed by a fervent, breathless ‘yes’.

“I didn’t even get to ask the question.” Kara hiccuped through her sobs, hands squeezing Lena’s hips a second before she hoisted Lena and herself up; once on her feet she lifted Lena up higher, who let out a shriek of delight as Kara proceeded to spin them round and round.

“Does it matter?” Lena asked, wrapping her legs tightly around Kara’s waist as the blonde slowed her twirls.

“Not even a little bit.” Kara reassured, burying her face in Lena’s neck as she strolled confidently towards their front door.

* * *

It was a small ceremony; Kara and Lena had endured their fair share of spectacle in their earlier lives and neither wanted something lavish. Just each other. The simpler the better.

Eliza cooked all the food, Nia made an elegant, single tier wedding cake decorated with iced plumerias, Brainy stood as Lena’s best man, Alex as Kara’s maid of honour and Amelia (accompanied by Milo) as their flower girl. 

Both women wore simple, knee-length white summer dresses accessorised with silk ties around their waists; Lena’s a dark green and Kara’s a sky blue that they had tied for each with excited hands before the ceremony.

It was short and sweet - too impatient to wait for the right to call each other ‘wife’ when they had secretly viewed each other as such for over a decade.

They kept their vows traditional, not because they couldn’t craft heartwarming personal ones but because they had made their promises in private and they were something they wished to keep to themselves - something to bind them solely together more than even the bracelets Lena had made for them to wear.

“I used to dream of this day.” Lena confessed, feeling safe enough to share with Kara’s (her wife’s) arms wrapped around her waist and placing light kisses on her neck as they watched their loved ones dance to the cheesy disco music Milo was playing whilst he sprinted around their garden chased by an excitable Amelia.

“You did?” Kara breathed against her ear, stopping her gentle kisses to better listen to Lena’s reply.

“Yeah, I tried not to…” Lena admitted, shaking her head ruefully, “I was afraid it would fuel some irrational hope. But I just…” Lena sighed wistfully, placing her hand, not occupied by a glass of champagne, atop Kara’s on her stomach, thumb immediately brushing over the kryptonian’s knuckles, “couldn’t help it.”

“How did you imagine it?” Kara inquired; and when Lena glanced over her shoulder she saw how Kara had tilted her head to one side in earnest interest.

“Don’t laugh at me…” Lena requested, biting her bottom lip shyly, “But I always imagined you being late.”

“What?” Kara squawked, eyebrows shooting up in shock.

“Mmhmm…” Lena hummed teasingly; twisting round in Kara’s loose hold, and wrapping her free arm around Kara’s neck, “skidding in after putting out a fire, soot on your cheek, sweeping me up into the tightest hug and kissing me only to be reprimanded by the priest.” The mirth in Lena’s green eyes receded, replaced with something soft and infinitely fond, “It would always make me smile…”

Kara could never resist kissing Lena when she looked up at her like that, and now there was no reason for her not to indulge. Kara ducked her head and slotted their lips together. It was chaste and sweet with only the barest flicker of tongue but it set Kara’s heart fluttering and her hands gently tugging Lena closer. When she pulled back, she knew her expression was probably dopey and dazed but she didn’t care in the slightest, shifting to place a tender kiss to Lena’s forehead.

“Do you wish I was still Supergirl?” Kara asked curiously. 

They had spoken about Kara stepping away from the superhero mantle and her reasons for doing so; Kara also revealed she had no interest in resurrecting the role and Lena had never encouraged the idea. But now, Kara was wondering if she should have explicitly asked Lena’s view on it especially if Supergirl was such a big feature of her dreams.

Lena instantly grinned bright and brilliant, shaking her head once clear and firm. “No.”

Kara blinked in surprise at Lena’s strong declaration accompanied with such a joyful expression. “No?” 

“No.” Lena repeated, “I know it's selfish but I like that our lives are just our own. I like that we got ready for this together. I like that our evenings are never interrupted. I like that we can just…” Lena exhaled in relief, “ _ be. _ ”

“Me too.” Kara agreed.

“Come on…” Lena urged, finishing her glass and placing it on a nearby table so that she had both hands free to tug Kara towards the open space that served as a dancefloor, “you owe me a dance Mrs Luthor.”

“You owe me one too, Mrs Zor El.” Kara countered, happy to be pulled along after her wife.

Kara and Lena danced for at least three songs before Brainy courteously interrupted, holding out a polite hand in request for Lena to dance with him. Lena gave Kara a quick kiss on the cheek before accepting Brainy’s hand and yanking him into a fast-paced spin that had the raven-haired woman laughing in delight.

Kara watched Lena and Brainy for a few seconds before she was grabbed by Alex, who dragged her towards the make-shift bar that was really just a table loaded with drinks. Alex popped open two beers, handing one over to Kara who took it without complaint - another benefit of Terra Nova and its impact on her powers, human alcohol actually affected her. They chinked bottles, and turned to watch the wedding party; Alex, wrapping an arm around Kara who instantly shuffled into her sister’s side.

“I don’t think I’ve ever seen you so…” Alex began quietly, trailing off as she glanced at Kara’s face.

“So?” Kara encouraged, with a lopsided smile that no longer made her cheeks ache. “Happy?”

“Yeah and… peaceful.” Alex replied.

“I don’t think I’ve ever felt this happy and peaceful too.” Kara concurred without hesitation.

Alex swallowed thickly, and cleared her throat as she asked the only question that really mattered, “Is it everything you wanted?”

“Oh, it’s so much more than that…” Kara assured with a warm chuckle, before nudging her sister’s side playfully and whispering a grateful, “Thank you.”

Alex paused mid-sip, head jerking round in surprise and confusion at Kara’s gratitude. “What for?”

“For getting me to this day.” Kara answered, blue eyes turning introspective, “I don’t know if I would if it wasn’t for you.”

“I’ve always got your back…” Alex promised, squeezing Kara fleetingly in their side-hug to get her to return back to the present. Alex jerked her chin over at the dancefloor and Kara’s eyes followed the movement to find Lena dancing in a group with Brainy, Nia and Eliza, curling a finger at Kara summoning her over. “Your wife is ordering you back to the dance floor and you definitely don’t want to disappoint her.”

“Good advice.” Kara grinned, taking a swig from her beer before handing it back to Alex’s offered out hand. “Love you.” Kara said, pressing a kiss to the side of Alex’s head before skipping over to Lena’s side.

“Love you, too.”

* * *

“Hey, you guys can come in now.” Alex said, opening her office door and gesturing for Kara and Lena to step through.

Lena immediately reached out for Kara’s hand as they stood up and made their way inside, knowing Kara needed a grounding touch today more than ever. 

Alex’s office was small and organised, she didn’t really take appointments but when Kara had approached her - more tentative than Alex had ever seen her before - with questions about the procedure she had invented, Alex hadn’t hesitated to take on the case personally.

“How are you both doing?” Alex asked once her sister and Lena were settled in the two chairs Alex had stolen from the break room just for this appointment.

“We’re…” Lena began to reply, shooting a glance at Kara who was nibbling her bottom lip and bouncing her leg up and down, “okay.” Lena eventually settled on, choosing the diplomatic answer.

“Okay…” Alex murmured slowly, her gaze flitting between Kara’s nervous expression and the soothing way Lena stroked the back of Kara’s knuckles. “How about I give a general overview of how it works… and then we can go into more details about timelines and everything?”

“Sounds good.” Lena encouraged, smiling bright and excited to make up for Kara’s unusual reservation.

They had been married for three months when Kara approached Alex with questions about how Amelia had been ‘conceived’ using Alex and Kelly’s genetic material. Alex had answered all of her inquiries and waited patiently for Kara to gather her courage and ask if it was possible that the same could be achieved for her and Lena.

Alex revealed that the procedure she had invented had been successful for a number of human/alien couples and considering the similarities between humans and kryptonians, she was exceedingly confident that it would work for Kara and Lena. Alex didn’t mention that she had run a number of experiments barely a month after Lena had returned to confirm whether it was possible, foreseeing the day Kara would come to her with just this request.

The appointment lasted an hour. 

Kara was near silent throughout, she had asked the key questions - or more accurately  _ question _ \- of Alex earlier, now she was just left with nervousness and a painful twist in her stomach at the potential for failure.

Lena asked such in-depth questions that by the end of the appointment, Alex wouldn’t have been surprised if her sister-in-law was more of an expert than she was. They finished with an agreement to meet early next week for the retrieval of their genetic material which Alex would manipulate to make fertilised eggs to implant. The only decision left was to decide who would carry.

* * *

“I’ll do it.” Lena said softly, once they were settled on the sofa after dinner later that day. “I’ll carry.”

Kara curled up, and shifted into Lena’s open arms, legs stretching out over the sofa and feet settling under Milo’s warm frame, who was perched on the end cushion. 

“I…” Kara began before her voice cracked out, not able to order the jumbled thoughts and feelings overwhelming her.

“I want to.” Lena reassured, combing her fingers through golden locks and pressing sweet kisses to Kara’s furrowed brow.

“I know... it’s just…” Kara huffed, resting her head on Lena’s chest so she could hear the strong steady thump of her heart. “I thought… I thought I would want to. That I would be ready to want to.”

Kara’s discomfort with her body was no longer a constant source of stress or anxiety for her. Hadn’t really been since the night her and Lena had consummated their relationship. It still flared up every now and again, whenever she found further evidence of her aging or when she saw herself in underwear or certain outfits that she could have sworn she wore so much better a decade prior. Wearing a bikini on their world tour had really pushed her but Lena had been there every step of the way. She complimented Kara’s body every chance she got, made it apparent in her every action and expression how much she desired Kara.

Kara’s discomfort with her body hadn’t been an issue for months but the idea of it being changed through pregnancy (a concept that had once thrilled and excited her) made her stomach sink and reminded her of a whole swathe of insecurities. 

“We can wait.” Lena offered seriously.

“No…” Kara replied with a light shake of her head, “I don’t want to wait. I want children with you.” Kara insisted earnestly. “How that happens…” Kara lifted her head to meet affectionate green eyes, “I genuinely don’t care. I just don’t want it to feel like it’s all fallen on you.”

“It’s not all fallen on me.” Lena said softly, quirking an eyebrow at Kara, “You’ll be with me every step of the way. Rubbing my swollen feet and fetching me ice cream at two in the morning.” She teased with a mischievous sparkle in her green eyes.

“Definitely.” Kara pressed a kiss to Lena’s lips to seal her commitment.

“We’re in this together.” Lena breathed. “Stronger together.”

“Stronger together.” Kara echoed, settling back down to enjoy the comforting way Lena ran her fingers through her hair - falling into a light doze as the fear slowly eeked away to be replaced by a spark of hope and excitement.

* * *

Lena smiled softly over at Kara who was leaning against the wall, arms folded protectively over her chest as her stomach wrung itself into an impossible number of knots as they waited… and waited…

“Kara…” Lena called out, hand squirming at her side and Kara’s heart clenched as Lena tried to rein in her obvious intent to reach out for Kara’s hand.

Kara immediately stepped away from the wall, taking Lena’s hand in hers and dropping to her knees beside the exam room bed that her wife was lying on. “Hey, babe…” Kara murmured, pressing a kiss to Lena’s temple and staring into deep green eyes to distract them both as Alex quietly went about performing the ultrasound. “It’s gonna be okay…”

“I know…” Lena assured, leaning forward to rub their noses together.

Alex cleared her throat carefully, “And there they are…”

Blue and green eyes snapped away from each other to take in the screen that Alex had angled towards them. Kara’s mouth dropped open in an awestruck ‘oh’ whilst Lena inhaled sharply, both their eyes transfixed and watery.

“And there…” Alex said slowly, moving the transducer gradually over Lena’s stomach, “...is their heartbeat…”

The thrumming fast-paced beat filled the room and Kara couldn’t help the gasp that ripped from her throat.

Kara was convinced there was no sound more pure than that of her child’s heart beating.

“We’re having a baby…” Lena cried in disbelief, hand gripping Kara’s tightly as if to convince herself that this was solid and  _ real _ .

“Yeah…” Kara breathed, turning to dot a series of grateful kisses across Lena’s forehead and down her cheeks, her chest bursting with love for her wife and their shared life.

“Actually…” Alex muttered, her gaze fixed on the screen as she continued to move the transducer, seeking different angles. “Babies.”

Kara and Lena froze, heads turning as a second thrumming heartbeat filled the room.

“Babies?” Lena repeated.

“Yup.” Alex confirmed with a pop, glancing at the dumbstruck couple, with a bright, teasing grin. “Always the over-achiever Luthor.”

“Babies…” Lena repeated, a single blink being the only action that broke through her shocked mask. “As in more than… one…”

Alex would have laughed at her composed, utterly unflappable sister-in-law’s total loss of cool if Kara hadn’t also looked like she was a second away from fainting.

“Yes. Two, in fact.” Alex confirmed, before stepping towards the door. “I'll leave you two alone for a few minutes.” 

Lena nodded in appreciation before the older Danvers stepped out of the room, shutting the door behind her to give them some privacy.

“Talk to me, please.” Lena requested, shifting so that she was facing Kara, who’s expression had gone blank and gaze distant the second they had learned they were having twins. “Kara?” Lena begged, reaching out with her free hand to cup her wife’s cheek.

“We’re…” Kara croaked, words instantly failing her, distant blue eyes met beseeching green. Kara swallowed thickly, standing up on unsteady legs; Lena’s expression flashing for a second with the fear of rejection that was quashed almost instantly by how Kara settled on the edge of the exam bed, both hands coming up to cup Lena’s face, thumbs brushing tenderly back and forth. “We’re having twins.” Kara exhaled, her entire expression becoming brighter than the sun, her smile glorious and blinding. 

“Yeah…” Lena laughed, wrapping her arms around Kara and snuggling into her wife’s body.

* * *

“Which one?” Lena inquired, holding up two different furry pieces of cloth.

“Uh…” Kara mumbled, closing her laptop having finished writing for the day - her next book on Kryptonian culture and history was slowly coming together; her first book a bestseller and prompting her to lead a course on alien cultures that she had designed for Lenacity University. Kara reached out and ran her fingers over the two options, “The shaggy grey one.”

“Yeah?” Lena answered, casting aside the short brown fur option in favour of more closely examining Kara’s preferred choice.

“Yeah, I think it would suit him better.” Kara confirmed casting a glance at Milo currently trying out his new teeth made to look like an actual canine’s on the chew toy Kara had bought for him earlier that day. “He’s a bit rough around the edges, and…” Kara smiled over at Lena, hand reaching out to rest on Lena’s slowly rounding stomach, “I like the idea of their little fingers curling into his coat.”

“Grey and shaggy it is then.” Lena agreed, tucking the sample fur into her work bag.

Turning Milo into a ‘real’ dog was Lena’s pet project, she wanted to be able to take him out and for people not to flinch away from him - luminescent green eyes and hunking metal body scaring random passersby - and Lena hated watching the despondent way her companion would hang his head and hide behind their legs whenever they went out in public. 

Lena, Brainy, Eliza and Alex had been working on a way to create organic material to cover Milo that they could attach his sensors to which would serve as skin and could be covered with fur making him look and feel like a real dog on a whole new level. They had cracked it last week - it served as a massive breakthrough that would also revolutionise skin grafts and synthetic limbs. They were aiming to upgrade Milo later that week and the robot dog couldn’t have been more excited, he had been jumping about and playing ‘I’m so excited’ first thing in the morning ever since Lena had gotten him to test out their first successful sample and could actually  _ feel  _ Lena pet him.

“I’ve been thinking…” Kara began slowly as she got to her feet and followed Lena out of their shared office space that they worked from home in now that Lena was requested to start taking it easy as her pregnancy progressed.

“Always dangerous.” Lena shot back, shooting a smirk over her shoulder as they made their way to the kitchen where Lena began prepping dinner.

“Haha…” Kara replied deadpan, stepping around her wife to get down the pots and pans that were just out of Lena’s short reach. 

“What have you been thinking?” Lena prompted, placing an apologetic kiss on Kara’s cheek as they danced seamlessly around each other as they made dinner together.

“We don’t have to call them Luke and Lori.” Kara said without preamble.

Lena froze for a fraction of a second before continuing cutting up the vegetables in front of her. “Oh?”

“I just… we haven’t talked about names and I don’t…” Kara shook her head, letting out a deep breath, her thoughts jumbling and words spilling out without coherence.

“Kara…” Lena soothed, abandoning her chopping board to step in front of her, placing her hands on Kara’s hips and leaning forward to nudge their noses against one another. “Talk to me. I’m listening.”

Kara pecked Lena lips fast and grateful before taking a deep breath, “I suggested Luke and Lori years ago and we’ve been working under the assumption that… that’s what we’ll call them." Kara explained, placing her hands on either side of Lena's protruding belly as she always tended to whenever her wife was in reach, liking the idea of being able to embrace the three most important people in the whole universe to her by that simple action alone. "But… I don’t want you to feel like we haven't discussed it. That we are just sticking to the dreams of our younger selves." Kara murmured, watching Lena’s expression shift to an understanding one. "We’re different now and we should discuss what  _ we  _ \- as we currently are - want to call them. I don’t want you looking at them and seeing…”

“The lost years.” Lena supplied helpfully - one of many monikers that they used in reference to Lena's nine year isolation - saving Kara from the pained grimace and guilty blue eyes that would forever come when she had to refer to that period.

“Yeah…” Kara replied before wincing at her own ineloquence. “Sorry if that came out as a jumble, I just… I don’t want us..”

“Living in the shadows of our former selves.” Lena sighed, gaze going far away and distant.

Kara wondered if they would ever be truly free of their many emotional scars and insecurities.

She knew the sad truth was that they would have to live with their personal traumas for the rest of their lives. But it could be managed and they had both learned to tend to each other's wounds, help each other around their landmines and offer a supporting hand back up, on the now rare occasions, when they were beaten down by it all.

Kara, though, couldn't help wishing that it was just a little bit easier, just a smidge, just enough that she didn't need to watch out for emotional triggers as much so that she could just simply enjoy the impending arrival of hers and Lena's children. 

“We’ve come so far." Kara continued softly to encourage Lena back from the shadowy internal thoughts Kara had accidentally sent her into. Lena blinked once, green eyes sharpening back up as she resisted the siren's call to the past. "If Luke and Lori are the names we want to call them, then that’s fantastic. I just want us to talk about it. I want us, as we are, to choose.”

“Okay." Lena agreed with a firm nod, reaching out to tuck a wayward blonde curl behind Kara's ear, "how about we both make lists." Lena suggested, "If we have any matching names then it's decided. If we don’t then we talk…" A slow, seductive smirk crept over Lena's face as she shifted closer to Kara, her breath warm as she tilted her head to whisper in Kara's ear, "and  _ negotiate… _ ”

Kara gulped, heart rate kicking up a notch as Lena traced a solitary finger down Kara's neck and sternum. 

“I like the sound of negotiations…” Kara mumbled eagerly, her anxieties settling back down, effortlessly replaced with excitement by Lena's simple touch.

“Odd," Lena remarked thoughtfully, raising a sharp eyebrow, peering up at Kara with dark green eyes, "considering I always come out on the winning side…”

Kara grinned, hands moving from Lena's sides to the small of her back to ensure they were pressed lightly together, as she winked surreptitiously, “That’s just because I enjoy the negotiation process far more than the actual agreement.”

With that revelation, Kara ducked her head down and began to suck a trail of marks down her wife's neck and across her collarbone, bending her knees slightly so that she could carefully lift Lena up and head towards the stairs.

“Kara…" Lena whimpered, fingers digging into Kara's shoulders with anticipation and pleasure, "dinner…”

“Let’s order in." Kara declared. "We’re in the middle of intense negotiations right now.”

* * *

  
  


“Just breathe… just breathe…” Kara soothed as Lena’s grip on her hand tightened to such a degree that Kara physically winced.

“Stop fucking telling me to breathe!” Lena ordered through gritted teeth.

“Okay, okay…” Kara acquiesced, exhaling heavily in relief as Lena’s contractions slowly passed.

“I’m sorry…” Lena apologised as her breathing returned to normal, green eyes shifting to guilty.

“It’s okay.”

“It’s not. You’re perfect. You’re being perfect.” Lena murmured gratefully, tugging Kara closer by their linked hands; Kara immediately leaned against the hospital bed and pressed a tender kiss to her wife’s flushed face. “You and your freeze breath.” Lena added hopefully.

Kara chuckled but instantly complied, blowing a cool breeze over Lena’s heated face. 

“Thank you.” Lena moaned appreciatively.

“How’s it going in here?” Eliza inquired, as she strolled into the hospital room, Alex hot on her heels.

“Good, other than the incredible discomfort and pain that I’m experiencing every few minutes…” Lena replied drolly, as her mother-in-law approached to take her free hand, whilst Alex pulled on gloves, waiting for Lena to nod her consent before performing an exam.

Alex glanced around the room, immediately noticing the lack of a certain robot dog who had become super protective of Lena since the start of her pregnancy. “No Milo?”

“The paediatric patients have claimed him.” Kara revealed, her and Lena both smiling softly remembering how excited and pleased Milo (now looking like a real dog with his shaggy, grey fur) was when the children had clamoured around him to give him attention.

“Hopefully not for too long, Amelia will get jealous. So…”, Alex drew out before shooting her sister and her wife a bright smile, “are you ready to meet Luke and Lori?”

* * *

“They’re so small.” Lena breathed, curling little Lori closer to her chest, fingers stroking through the tuft of soft dark hair on her head.

“They’re everything.” Kara whispered, placing a tender kiss to Luke’s tiny fingers before pressing quick kisses to the side of Lena’s head. They were cuddled up together on the hospital bed, their children held close to their chests after a long and exhausting labour.

Lori was born first, her cries loud and resilient, eyes practically luminescent blue.

Luke came shortly after, not wanting to miss out on any of the attention - Alex had shot Kara a teasing smirk and muttered ‘typical younger sibling’ under her breath. Luke was much quieter, his cries more mellow and restrained. His hair was platinum blonde but with every passing minute appeared to darken towards a flaxen colour, whilst in contrast his sea-green eyes turned lighter and sharper.

Lena let out a deep yawn, resting her head on Kara’s shoulder, eyelids drooping heavily in time with the lullabies Milo was playing.

“Sleep, Lena.” Kara requested, her wife had done so much and she deserved to rest more than anything.

“I don’t…” Lena hummed, eyes blinking rapidly in determination to stay awake.

“Lena?” Kara prompted gently.

“I don’t want to miss a second of them.” Lena confessed.

“Me too.” Kara assured, nuzzling into Lena’s dark hair, inhaling her scent that was mixed into her two children. “I won’t let anything happen to them.” Kara promised getting to the heart of the matter.

“Yeah?” Lena hummed.

“Yeah.” Kara declared, looking between the three pieces of her heart that she would never allow harm to befall as long as she drew breath.


End file.
